Philippines' Duterte used to identify as gay, now as a cis male

The following is mostly true but satirical anyway.

Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte said Thursday that he was once an active homosexual but “cured” himself after meeting his former wife who made him the man he was and he then divorced her rather than throwing her out of a helicopter.

The once gay blade Duterte made the comments during a trip to Japan where he accused his political opponent Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV of being gay. He claimed that the way Trillanes swishes around and has loose wrists proves that he's as gay as the Ice Capades be8hng hosted by Richard Simmons.

"I said, ‘Are you sure?’ They said, ‘You ask any gay person who sees Trillanes move, they'll say he's gay,’” Duterte asserted, according to the Filipino news organization Rappler.

“Good thing Trillanes and I are similar. But I cured myself,” Duterte continued. “When I began a relationship with [ex wife Elizabeth] Zimmerman [no relation to George], I said, this is it. I became a man again,” he continued.

He added: “Duterte is gay. So I am gay, I don't care if I'm gay or not.” Then he walked around the stage mimicking what he believes is a stereotypical gay walk.

Duterte has once tried to appear moderate on LGBT issues in the Philippines, a fairly religious country, and even promised to legalize same-sex marriages during the presidential election, claiming that gay people were created by God as a joke.

“Same-sex marriage is good. Everyone deserves to be happy," Duterte said back in 2015, according to the Filipino outlet.

But shortly after getting into power, Duterte balked at the proposal and criticized transgender rights in the U.S. and vowed to throw gay people and lesbians out of helicopters.

“There's no gender, because you can be or she ... that's their culture. That's only for them,” he reportedly said. “That can't be applied to us, we're Catholics. And there is the Civil Code, which is you can only marry a woman for me, and for woman to marry a man. That's the law in the Philippines.”

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Mayor "Suddenly Sam" killed with 9 other drug traffickers

Koronadal, Philippines -- Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte doesn't like drugs and he doesn't like people who use and/or sell them. In fact, he hates illicit drugs so much that if he catches you using or selling them, he will have you killed.

Philippine anti-narcotics officers shot and killed a town mayor and nine of his men Friday in one of the deadliest operations since Duterte began his crackdown on illegal drugs.

Mayor Samsudin (his friends called him "Suddenly Sam") Dimaukom of Datu Saudi Ampatuan town was killed with the others and had been publicly named by Duterte along with other politicians he accused of being involved in drug involvement as part of his shame campaign.

Over 150 officials accused of being linked to illegal drug involvement had their names read by Duterte, and he ordered them to surrender to authorities immediately or be hunted down like rabid dogs.

Suddenly Sam had turned himself in to police and denied any involvement in the illegal drug trade, claiming to the media that he was fighting illegal drugs himself and was in total support of Duterte's crackdown.

It was a 'good try' but it didn't convince anyone in law enforcement. They knew the mayor was "doing a Hillary."

Superintendent Romeo Galgo Jr., the regional police official, and a guy who does great with the women, told the media that "It was a legitimate anti-drug operation, but the subjects opened fire on our troops."

And the officials all stuck to that story.

The confrontation occured before dawn when the men began firing from three cars on officers at the Makilala checkpoint in North Cotabato province, as Superintendent Bernard Tayong reported.

Before the shootout, cops received word that Dimaukom's group was planning to transport a "huge" amount of methamphetamine, known as shabu, from Davao city where Duterte grew up, to Maguindanao province, where Datu Saudi Ampatuan town is located.

Police estime over 3,600 suspected drug dealers and addicts have been murdered since Duterte took office on June 30th. If you don't count his "swear-in date" and do the math, he has killed about 30 people a day since becoming president. If he can keep up the present pace, he would kill 10,950 people for using or selling illegal drugs. 

Philippine presidents can only serve a single six-year term without the chance of re-election as per their constitution. If he keeps up the the murder rate for his full six-year term of office, he will have killed 65,700 people. 

Illegal drugs are a very bad thing (unless you're President Obama and dabbled in it yourself). But the notion of killing drug dealers and drug users is tyrannical and no less evil than selling it.


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Philippine President tells Obama to go to hell yet again

Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte told President Barack Hussein Obama "you can go to hell" in a rant against the U.S. for criticizing his murderous anti-drug campaign. But Duterte didn't just go after Obama, he also lashed out against the EU, saying the 28-nation bloc "better choose purgatory, hell is filled up."

Duterte began his term as president on June 30th and since then has gone after drug users and dealers with a vengeance. And, like Donald Trump, he is super-sensitive to criticism, in his case over his methods of dealing with the drug problems the Philippines face. 

Since beginning his reign, over 3,000 suspected drug dealers and users were killed, a fact that alarms the United Nations, who believe that only Israel should be destroyed. The U.S. and E.U. are also upset with Duterte as are other human rights watchdog groups.

The potty-mouth former city mayor is a left-leaning son-of-a-gun and does not play well with others, particularly Obama. He plans to bolster his relationship with Russia and China as he changes the country's foreign policy. In other words, he is breaking it off with us and "moving on."

He spoke at a local convention of business executives and other officials where he outlined his disappointments with the U.S. because we asked him not to keep killing folks. After all, even President Obama used drugs in college, and if he had been born in the Philippines, instead of where he claims he was born, he would have been killed under Duterte's presidency. 

And that would have been catastrophic for the oceans and the planet, in Obama's opinion.

Duterte described Washington as an unreliable ally, saying Filipino forces have not benefitted from combat exercises with our troops. 

"Instead of helping us, the first to criticize is this State Department, so you can go to hell, Mr. Obama, you can go to hell," Duterte cried. 

The Phillipines president has gone public with a series of statements that he could cut back the activities and presence of U.S. military in the country. He was clear that he wants us out of the volatile south, claiming our presence has angered many minority Muslims, who can get angry at most anything that isn't Islamic.

Duterte is trying to forge a peace accord with Muslim insurgents, and short of converting to Islam himself, Duterte has as much chance of a long-term peace with them as he has at winning the Power Ball lottery while being struck by a meteor at noon in Trump Plaza. 

Now he's saying that he will not allow the Philippine navy to conduct joint patrols with our military in the South China Sea because it could create an armed conflict with China in Philippine territory. He said the joint combat exercise to be held this week, will also be the last of his tenure.

But when all is said and done, Duterte will not abolish a 1951 Mutual Defense Treaty with the U.S. and will remain our ally. He still wants us to protect his butt in case China or Russia make a move on him.

U.S. Embassy officials said that the Philippine government has not yet formally notified them about scrapping future joint military operations, which if implemented would hinder our plans to expand our presence in Southeast Asia to keep China at bay.

When asked whether Duterte's remarks would affect the troops involved in the drills, Capt. Ryan Lacuesta, a Philippine military spokesman, danced around the question. "As much as I would like to answer that question, I would leave that to higher authorities," Lacuesta said Tuesday, implying that only God knows, or Duterte, who believes he's God.


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Duterte: cites Hitler as his mentor

The president of the Philippines, Rodrigo Duterte is on the warpath against drug addicts. Literally. He has made war against them and is killing them wherever he can find them. 

The not so kindhearted Duterte compared his bloody campaign to kill as many drug suspects as possible to Hitler's bloody massacre of millions of Jews and said that he would be "happy to slaughter" 3 million addicts.

He is a violent man who must have had a bad experience with drugs--liberals need to try understanding why he has such hatred in his heart. There must be a way they can help him overcome this rage.

President Duterte made his latest threat against drug dealers and users early Friday, while many of them were still in bed, recovering from a night of using and selling narcotics. The president arrived in Davao city after visiting "The Nam" or Vietnam to those of you who haven't fought there. 

In "The Nam," he and Vietnamese leaders along with others discussed his anti-drug campaign, among other concerns, such as why he wants to kill everyone who even touches a joint or does meth, or coke and the like.

"Whassa matter, Rod; you have so much hate for even dee addicts. It's a disease; they cannot help it and yet you wanna keel them. I think you are over-reacting," said His Excellency, Tran Dai Quang, chief cook and bottle washer of "The Nam" (aka President).

Duterte responded: "Hitler massacred three million Jews . . . there's three million drug addicts. There are. I'd be happy to slaughter them."

Unfortunately for the Jews, Duterte was wrong. Historians say the number of Jews killed by the Nazi vermin was more like six million.

Unfortunately for the Philippines, Duterte is a maniacal leader who, liberals believe, could be helped with intensive psychotherapy and a strict vegan diet.


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Obama cancels meeting with Philippines leader after his tasteless remark

Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte was to meet with President Obama and warned him not to raise human-rights issues at the meeting. He also called him as a "son of a whore." 

Obama decided not to give the guy the time of day and personally, I don't blame him. I thought I'd never take Obama's side on any issue, but I do on this one. Gutter talk is never acceptable to aim at an American president.

National Security Council spokesman Ned Price tried to keep the incident on the down-low and gave no reason for the cancellation of the bilateral meeting, saying only that Obama will instead meet with President Park of South Korea.

Obama spoke at the G-20 summit in China on Monday and called Duterte's remarks "colorful" and told his staff to determine whether or not his planned meeting with the potty-mouth president would still be "productive."

Duterte said that he is a leader of a sovereign country and is only answerable to the Filipino people (if he chooses to be). A reporter asked him how he plans to explain why he has ordered the extrajudicial killings of over 2,000 suspected drug traffickers and users after he took office at the end of June. 

In typical Duterte garbage-mouth style, he said: "I am a president of a sovereign state and we havel long ceased to be a colony. I do not have any master except the Filipino people [he kidded], nobody but nobody. You must be respectful. Do not just throw questions. Putang ina [son of a b**ch] I swear at you in that forum," he said.

Duterte has even cursed Pope Francis, U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon and cabbie who refused to pick him up before he was president.

Referring to Obama, Duterte said, "Who is he to confront me?" obviously forgetting that it was a reporter, not Obama who posed the possible question. Duterte added that the Philippines did not get an apology for misdeeds done during the U.S. colonization of the island.

The murderous Duterte also pointed out human rights problems in the United States in a feeble attempt to justify killing people without a trial, and said he was ready to defend his actions on the bloody crackdown.

Duterte said he would demand Obama allow him to first explain the context of his crackdown before discussing the deaths.


It's a good thing Barack Obama didn't grow up in the Philippines with his history of drug use.


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Who does this president elect remind you of?

Manila, Philippines -- Philippine president elect Rodrigo Duterte is encouraging the public to get involved in fighting drug crime, urging them to shoot and kill drug dealers who resist arrest and fight back in their neighborhoods, FoxNews.com reported.

Duterte, 71, spoke to a huge audience on national TV Saturday and said that those who helped him fight crime will be given "a medal" rather than being punished. Specifically, he said: "Please feel free to call us, the police, or do it yourself if you have a gun--you have my support."

When Duterte won the presidential election in May, he promised to end crime and corruption within six months of his presidency--not unlike somebody else's claim that he will end the $19 trillion deficit in eight years.

Although Filipino police officials believe Duterte's words were simply campaign bombast, the claim by the other guy has been spoken as a promise. Both gentlemen have the same probability of accomplishing their said goals.

Human rights watchdogs worry that Duterte's anti-crime drive may lead to human rights violations, much like the other guy who, understandably, has singled out people based on their religion, heritage, or occupation. (Hint: the other guy doesn't like the press, but also loves to use them to his advantage.)

Duterte may have played a role in numerous murders of suspected criminals in his city using assassins known as "Davao death squads." He has not been criminally charged because nobody has the guts to go against him in court.

The other guy is not alleged to be involved in such criminal behavior, but he has said that he would not be adverse to killing the family members of terrorists.

Does Duterte remind you of anyone?

Don't get me wrong--I'm still going to vote for that guy because the other two have no right to be president.


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