Kim Jong Un: We H-bomb Manhattan soon, Yankee

According to North Korean propaganda sources on state-controlled black and white TV, Pyongyang has a load of deadly weapons. 

The deadliest of these weapons is a hydrogen bomb which is making its threat debut. The sources say this hydrogen bomb could wipe out New York City and kill all of its inhabitants.

"Our hydrogen bomb is much bigger than the one developed by the Soviet Union," DPRK Today said in their citing of Cho Hyong Il.

"If this H-bomb were to be mounted on an intercontinental ballistic missile and fall on Manhattan in New York City, all the people there would be killed immediately and the city would burn to ashes."

They like to think of the possibility of that happening as "The Manhattan Project."

Black op CIA assets, deep within North Korea, say that it isn't time to worry as yet--the only delivery system North Korea has that's currently operational is an old barge that is being camouflaged to look like the wall at the Coney Island Aquarium.





Tweet

Sticks and stones and bombs can hurt you

North Korea announced it had conducted an underground "miniaturized" hydrogen bomb test which, we have learned, put a bee in Obama's bonnet. 

You better watch out, Kim Jong Un and the rest of you nuclear-minded North Koreans, because Barack Obama is angry, and when he's angry, he says angry words, and he says them in all seriousness. 

He can even shed a tear if it's about gun control. (Note cringe-worthy tears on left.)

After learning about the test, the Obama administration reiterated its position saying that North Korea cannot be permitted to become a nuclear state. In other words, going nuclear is not allowed according to Mr. Obama.

The news of the test was so important that pretty little Miss Ri Chun-hee (her friends call her "Hee Haw") came out of retirement to make the announcement on government-controlled television. Hee Haw is known for her drama queen delivery of the news, much like Obama is known for his drama queen delivery of his verbal attacks following such news.

A U.S. State Department spokeszombie said that "We have consistently made clear that we will not accept it [North Korea] as a nuclear state."

We will not accept it as a nuclear state? What does "accept it" mean? What will Obama say? We know that he thinks when he says something it's the same as actually doing something, but other nations, especially all other nations in the world, know that Obama's words are useless as a set of binoculars to a pail of sand.

The only good thing that may come out of this debacle is the fact that it has made both sides of the aisle equally as uncomfortable with our say a lot, do nothing president.

Yes folks, even the Democrats can smell trouble coming from an empty suit who is so narcissistic that he thinks his words are magic.


Tweet

South Korea will get back on the horn

South Korea isn't going to take North Korea's nuclear test lying down. They spoke with the U.S. and asked for some muscle--we may be sending in a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier and submarines as Seoul has restarted the propaganda broadcasts that have upset Kim Jong Un, causing enormous damage to the infrastructure of his cerebrum.

The cross-border broadcasts are to begin tomorrow, just two days after the North Koreans claimed they tested a mini-H-bomb underground. Some experts believe that Kim is full of sushi, and that the test was merely an atomic bomb which doesn't have the same impact and signature as a Hydrogen bomb.

That should give us comfort. Not as many people die simultaneously as with an H-bomb, so they would need a couple more to do the job. We can rest easy tonight knowing that President Obama and John Kerry are on the job, protecting America like Hillary protected Chris Stevens and the three heroes in Benghazi.

But I digress.

The propaganda broadcasts are used to get North Koreans to wonder about just how powerful Kim and the other Ums are, how infallible, and how truthful in their boasting. (They might refer to Kim as "That Butterball," and "Fat Kid Who Couldn't Shoot Straight.") In other words, the broadcasts are meant to get North Koreans questioning their fearless leader's thinking, and to lessen tensions between the two countries that had at one time shared the same culture and land.

The U.S., South Korea and Japan have "agreed to work together to forge a united and strong international response to North Korea's latest reckless behavior," came the squeak from the White House, as President Barack Hussein Obama reaffirmed the "unshakeable U.S. commitment" to the security of South Korea and Japan, Fox News reported.

Also discussed between South Korean and U.S. military leaders was the possible deployment of "strategic assets" with the possibility being F-22 stealth fighters, B-52 baadaahbing bombers, and nuclear subs. 

"That should make the hairs on Kim's head stand up even taller," said John-Hair-Plugs-Kerry. (Okay, but he was thinking that.)

South Korea will limit entry to a jointly run factory park in North Korea--the last remnants of inter-Korean cooperation. 

Josh Not-Very Earnest, White House spokesman said that the U.S. analysis of the blast was "not consistent with the claims that the regime has made a successful hydrogen bomb test," and that nothing has occurred with the last 24 hours to change that assessment.

According to some experts, it's probable that North Korea detonated a boosted fission bomb, something halfway between an atomic bomb and an H-bomb.

"Fission, fusion--what difference, at this time, does it make?" some old lady was heard to say.

I say, imagine how embarrassing it would be to the U.S. allowing a fat jerk like Kim Jong Un to launch a nuclear warhead at the White House. I'd rather 'clean house' with the vote.




Tweet

Dennis Rodman confirms N. Korea is the bomb

Kim Jong Un, North Korean leader for life, says his team of 2 scientists have developed an H-Bomb, which is designed to kill the Hebrews, he originally said and was later gently corrected by Dennis Rodman.

Experts are skeptical and the experts in North Korea who were, no longer are--that is, they no longer "be."

Kim claims his family "turned the DPRK into a powerful nuclear weapons state ready to detonate a self-reliant A-bomb and H-bomb to reliably defend its sovereignty and the dignity of the nation," the KCNA news agency reported, as per Sky News. The KCNA is the official news agency that will say whatever Kim says it will say; nothing more and nothing less. 

Kim made this claim as he was visiting the Phyongchon Revolutionary Site, a museum in honor of Kim Il Sung, his late grandpa.

"He do"

H-bomb (aka thermonuclear bombs) are much more powerful than A-bombs (aka I think I heard something), but our allies in South Korea's intelligence agency said they have no evidence the North Koreans have the technology to make one.

Jeffrey Lewis of the Middlebury Institute of International Studies in California told Sky News "I think it's unlikely that they have an H-bomb at the moment, but I don't expect them to keep testing basic devices indefinitely either." Exactly what this implies, only Lewis knows.

Dennis Rodman, in response to Lewis said, "Oh yeah? They do so."




Tweet