Honk if you believe Clowns' Lives Matter

It's not easy being a clown anymore, not with all the stories of how creepy, scary clowns are scaring the bejeebees out of unsuspecting people throughout Smallville, USA.

Professional clowns are really angry with the recent reports of terrifying incidents all across this country and it has put many communities on high alert.

The clown community in Tucson, Arizona finally got around to organizing a "Clown Lives Matter" march Wednesday October 15th in the wake of reports that "killer clowns" are terrorizing small towns and that social media is fanning fears of clown attacks, like liberal media fans the fears that the end of the world will happen if Donald Trump is elected president.

KGUN9-TV reported that attendees to the march are invited to participate in full clown makeup or masks, but that hurting or otherwise scaring the crap out of spectators is not recommended.

"This is a peaceful way to show clowns are not psycho killers," one flyer in Tucson, dripping in human blood, read.  "We want the public to feel safe, and not be afraid. [Scared people run away and sometimes we can't catch them.] So come out, bring the family, meet a clown and get a hug" [and whatever else you deserve].

More than 100 non-threatening clowns are expected to participate in the first ever "Clown Lives Matter" protest, but the protest event itself may be protested by Black Lives Matter, All Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter, the latter of whom will be fully armed. 

It should be fun. 

But authorities across the country have taken all clown threats seriously, putting up posters saying things such as: "If you hear a honk, tell a cop." "Seltzer doesn't make people wet and mushy, clowns make people wet and mushy." It had gotten so bad that some schools have been forced to go on lockdown and cancel classes as police searched for bulbous-nose miscreants.

"There's nothing funny about renegade clowns," said president of the Arizona School Safety Board Balbin B. Bientot. 

"Just last week at PS 161, as 3rd grade Islamic education class was being conducted, a clown jumped out of the coat closet and screamed something in Arabic," Bientot said. "This nonsense has got to stop and hopefully "Clowns Lives Matter" will be the spearhead to make that happen.

If you would like to donate to CLM, please make your check or money order payable to Ruffles T. Clown and you just might save a clown a job.

Can I get a honk?

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Clownpocalypse solved

You pretend to like them and laugh at their antics; you even take your kids to see them at the circus, but your kids cry, and secretly, they scare the crap out of you. They even appear in your worst nightmares.

Clowns.

Not the kind of clowns that honk their horns and squirt you with seltzer, or ride unicycles while playing a little harmonica, or juggle or jam into Volkswagons with twenty colleague clowns. No, I'm talking about clowns that scowl and sneer sardonically and carry sharp cutting instruments and kill little kittens.

Evil, freaking clowns.

In Flomaton, Alabama a Clownpocalypse was finally solved by the local police. The not-so-funny reign of clown terror finally was squelched along with other areas down south.

Following a series of underwear-staining Facebook posts on the "Flomo Clown" page, (pictured below) authorities finally captured two juveniles and one adult on Thursday in connection with the incident in which a post appears to threaten violence at a local school.

The post even ordered the police to order a "soft lockdown" that forced students and teachers to shelter in place while authorities searched for the possible violent circus act.

However, no clowns were found but cops got enough information to issue several warrants.

Makayla Smith, the alleged clown "ringleader" was apprehended and will probably be charged with making a terrorist-type threat, said the Flomaton police on their Facebook page. Ms. Smith and her clown alley  are from Pensacola, Florida, according to information provided by authorities.

Officials have not stated whether Smith is connected to the Facebook page, which made credible threats that required immediate action from law enforcement and took to social media to calm the community and explain why it needed to impose the school lockdown.

The local police held a joint press conference with the FBI who became involved when they learned that the clowns in question had no involvement in the Clinton campaign. But like the former secretary of state, put people and property in danger from unknown threats.

Makayla Smith

The Flomaton incident is merely part of clown-related sightings that have terrified many communities across Georgia, Alabama and South Carolina over the past few weeks. It began in South Carolina with unconfirmed reports of clowns trying to lure children into the woods by an apartment complex by offering candy and money.

Soon Georgia began seeing copycat incidents with reports of clowns "driving around in a white van" in Athens, Georgia.

But it was Flomaton, Alabama that received the first clown-related threat (while at least some of the alleged clowns-gone-rogue were apparently from Florida).

Hopefully, the apprehension of Smith et al will put an end to the frightening Clownpocalypse are once again put some clowns in a better light, while others will always scare the crap out of us.

Honk.


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