Chuck Schumer: "At least it isn't the really bad Nazi tattoo"

Oh golly, it's just a tattoo

WASHINGTON—In a display of rock-solid sleazy Democratic principles, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer announced Tuesday that he remains fully committed to scandal-plagued Maine Senate candidate Graham Platner, immediately quashing any naïve hopes that the party might pivot to someone who hasn't allegedly turned their campaign into a Tinder spin-off.

"I met with Graham Platner today," Schumer declared, repeating the sentence exactly five times like a malfunctioning animatronic at a very awkward Disney ride. "We're gonna beat Susan Collins and take back the Senate. Did I mention I met with him? Because I did. Five times. And that tattoo, what's it called again, oh yeah the Totenkopf, at least it isn't a swastika. They're evil. This tattoo is no big deal, and I say that as a proud Jew."

 
When reporters, exhibiting a shocking level of journalistic curiosity, pressed Schumer on whether the endorsement might budge in light of Platner's colorful extracurricular activities, the Senator simply stared into the middle distance and began humming the Democratic Party fight song.

Sources confirm he then mumbled something about "moving forward together" before power-walking toward the nearest exit.

Platner's campaign has been mired in what polite society calls "a teensy bit of controversy" for months. Recent reports revealed the candidate had been enthusiastically sexting at least six women while married, a hobby he apparently balanced alongside maintaining an active account on Kik, the anonymous messaging app beloved by America's youth and, apparently, married politicians with poor impulse control. 

Law enforcement has charmingly nicknamed the platform a "predator's paradise," which is exactly the brand vibe every Senate campaign dreams of.

Platner's wife, sweet Amy, got paid almost $30 thousand to go along with the program, and she did.

Since the sordid details emerged, Platner has displayed the political courage of a man who just remembered he left the oven on, ducking every interview request while campaign staff have taken to physically blocking reporters like overzealous bouncers at a particularly seedy club.

The Maine Democratic primary is set for next Tuesday, June 9, giving voters just enough time to decide whether they're comfortable nominating a guy whose campaign strategy seems heavily inspired by "delete your search history" rather than, say, policy positions.

Democrats remain confident that Maine voters will overlook the whole "sexting married guy on a predator app" situation because, at this point, what even is a scandal anymore? As one anonymous party strategist put it, "At least he wasn't on Truth Social."

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Wife Heroically Stands By Senate Candidate After Campaign Courageously Pays Her $30,000 To Do So

MAINE — Democratic Senate candidate Graham Platner's wife, Amy Gertner, delivered a passionate defense of her husband this week after reportedly receiving nearly $30,000 from his campaign, proving that true love can still flourish when accompanied by regular direct deposits.

Federal Election Commission filings show that Gertner has collected $28,751.59 from the Graham for Maine campaign since September, along with a generous $37.50 "cell phone stipend" to help cover the emotional toll of explaining away sexting scandals.

The payments came to light shortly after reports surfaced that Platner had allegedly exchanged sexual messages with at least six women on the hookup-friendly messaging app Kik, where his profile reportedly featured a bathroom mirror selfie consisting primarily of a towel and optimism.

Sources say Gertner became aware of the messages and alerted campaign staff, demonstrating the type of transparency voters have come to expect from modern political marriages.

In a video released by the campaign, Gertner condemned media coverage of the controversy because, for some reason, it made her husband look bad.

"It makes me really angry, disappointed, and I find it really shameful that there’s a group of media outlets and people who are willing to spread gossip, instead of talking about real issues that Graham is running on, like healthcare and education and childcare," she said. After all, it isn't as if the Democrats do that to Republican candidates like Trump, and other appointees like SCOTUS justices.

Political analysts noted that the statement was remarkable because it was delivered without visible cue cards, blinking patterns, or ransom note subtitles.

Despite reports of her husband's online activities, Gertner insisted her admiration remains intact.

"I admire the f–k out of him. So when there are news articles about our marriage, it’s just extra sh–ty," she said. "Can I say that online? I hope I can." She knew she would and was going for the audaciousness.

Witnesses described the video as a moving tribute to the power of commitment, forgiveness, and campaign payroll. But people in the know know it was for the Benjamins. How ironic.

The scandal has also revived scrutiny of Platner's old Reddit posts, including one in which he advised women not to "wind up having sex with someone they don’t mean to" to avoid being raped. In other posts from 2020, he reportedly celebrated Marines being able to "get to bang LA chicks, whores in TJ, and hit up Vegas." At least he didn't mention Tijuana. 

Platner has apologized for the comments, asking voters not to judge him by "the worst thing I said on the internet, on my worst day 14 years ago," while politely requesting they also ignore several additional bad days that occurred afterward. 

No dude--we just judge you for what you said, suggested, claimed that you do, and your relationship with a website that caters to teens and young adults.

According to former campaign staffers, Gertner had disclosed the sexting issue as early as last August, and the couple reportedly worked through the matter in marriage counseling.

Anthony Weiner much?

"Being married is hard," the shameless Gertner acknowledged, while campaign accountants reportedly confirmed that being married on payroll is somewhat easier.

Despite the revelations, Platner continues to lead incumbent Senator Susan Collins in polling, reinforcing political scientists' long-held theory that voters only become concerned when a candidate is caught doing something unusual, such as balancing the federal budget.

At press time, campaign officials announced a new family-values initiative featuring mandatory trust exercises, monitored phone usage, and a campaign-funded premium subscription to Couples Therapy Plus

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Platner's campaign in trouble: if you thought the Nazi tattoo was bad, check this out

Graham Platner, the Democrat running for U.S. Senate in Maine who’s come under fire for a Nazi tattoo and apparently masturbating in port-a-potties sent sexually explicit texts to other women while he was married, the Wall Street Journal reported. And let us not forget his brutal comments about a U.S. soldier getting wounded and how he said he should have been killed instead.

But it gets worse.

Platner’s wife informed his campaign about the problem days after he announced he was running, the paper reported.

Platner and Amy Gertner got married in 2024. Within a year of marriage, she found sexually explicit text messages from several women in the spring of 2025, the Journal reported.

On May 30 this year, the Wall Street Journal detailed how his wife discovered those sexually explicit texts he exchanged with other women in 2025, quite early in their marriage. She flagged this to a trusted campaign aide last August, ahead of the comrade Bernie Sanders rally, as she was worried it might have a negative political impact upon decent people who find that kind of behavior repugnant and immoral. [Not that it seemed to be a serious enough problem for her to leave the pig.]

Anyway, the campaign saw it as a private marital issue that should be handled through counseling, and they went ahead with the events. Gertner later said they worked through it and came out of it with a stronger marriage.

Some social media and local reports also reference pre-campaign complaints from Maine women about Platner on dating apps (e.g., Tinder interactions followed by ghosting).

Platner has not publicly detailed any of these situations. Not the crude discussions of prostitution overseas and his defense of married men who have sex with prostitutes.

But despite the immorally bankrupt behavior of Platner and the many who don't see his scumbaggery as an issue, he leads Susan Collins in the polls.

Back in 2019, he made comments about avoiding taxes by "banging hookers in Thailand" instead of dealing with a wife at home.

What is happening to our country? 

Thank you for following Brain Flushings. Please take time to simply check out the sponsors on this page--it's one way to support my work and you don't need to purchase anything to do so. Of course, you can Buy Me A Coffee if you want to support me directly. And finally, don't be afraid to subscribe if you enjoy the blog--it's free, and worth the cost.

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