Iranian Regime Calls For Americans To Vote Democratic

In a 26-page sternly worded letter, the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps politely requested that American voters cast their ballots against Republicans because, as it turns out, they and the Trump administration is just being far too mean to the world's premier terror apparatus (though Turkey is currently making a strong run for the title).

The "Open Letter to the Honorable People of the United States of America" released Tuesday urgently pleaded with citizens to elect Democrats and simply stop resisting the Iranian mullahs because, according to Iran, they are actually winning.

Indeed, Iran has achieved "remarkable strategic wins," the English translation declared, leaving experts to wonder what the Persian version says about the state of their centrifuges.

“Although American politicians often win your votes through deception and false promises, as Trump did, you can change the makeup of the government,” the letter stated, offering a Master’s class in international electoral intervention. “Remove from power the evil, deceitful, and violent politicians who are responsible for America’s current state [and let us defeat the Great Satan so that we can destroy the Little Satan as Allah requests of the world's Muslims, inshallah, yadda, yadda].”

At press time, the IRGC was reportedly drafting a follow-up memorandum offering customized "I Voted" stickers for anyone who complies. The stickers will feature a bloody sword and the words 'Kill the nonbelievers wherever you find them, especially the, you know, Jooooze'.

It makes one wonder whether the Kapo, Chuck Schumer, has a deal going with the remaining mullahs. The alligator will eat him and his ilk last--you know what that means.

Hey folks, please take time to give a click on the ads on this page--it's one way to support my work and you don't need to purchase anything just to look. Of course, you can Buy Me A Coffee at any amount if you want to support me directly, but no pressure. And finally, consider subscribing if you enjoy the blog--it's free, and totally worth the cost.

Tweet