Terrorist's posts depict his flaming anti-Semitism as Israel vows he'll pay

In a shocking turn of events that somehow managed to surprise western media analysts, a commercial flight from Dubai to Tel Aviv was nearly brought down by a man who was merely seeking a peaceful debate about foreign policy at thirty thousand feet.

Authorities confirmed that an Omani co-pilot stabbed the primary captain and attempted to crash the airliner carrying 174 mostly Israeli passengers, including 20 children, in what experts initially labeled a localized misunderstanding over flight routes.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu addressed the assault, stating, “As time passes, the picture is becoming clearer. The attacker underwent Islamist radicalization. He intended to crash the plane with all its passengers on board. We are now investigating whether he was sent, and whoever sent him will pay a very heavy price.”

Despite the co-pilot’s extensive social media posting history advocating for religious violence, mainstream media outlets spent the morning investigating whether air turbulence or severe economic anxiety might have been the true instigators of the cockpit dispute.

“This was a person who was willing to commit suicide,” an Israeli official told The Times of Israel. “His social media accounts [say] clearly that he has been radicalized into jihadist ideology.” The official added, “We can’t say for sure until the investigation’s over. But it certainly seems like he was a suicide actor who was probably going to try to down that plane.”

Fortunately, the attack was interrupted when several passengers failed to wait for a properly vetted security protocol and took matters into their own hands.

Passenger Yaniv Hayun described the moment: “The door apparently wasn’t locked, and we managed to open it. What made it difficult for us was the [Indian] pilot himself. He had been stabbed and was on the other side of the door.”

Another passenger detailed how they subdued the assailant using standard consumer electronics, proving once again that wired headphones are superior to wireless models: “We jumped on the pilot with force and tied him up using headphones.”

Israeli Defense Minister Israel Katz observed, “The serious incident aboard the Flydubai aircraft was an attempted jihadist terrorist attack, which was thwarted only thanks to the bravery of several Israeli passengers who broke into the cockpit, overpowered the terrorist, and with their own hands returned control of the aircraft to an additional flight crew that was present there.”

Capt. Machchhar and PM Modi

At the time of this posting, the suspect had been transferred to the United Arab Emirates for interrogation, while international advocacy groups drafted a stern statement condemning the passengers for using improper physical restraint and unauthorized audio accessories.

Fun Fact: the brave pilot who was flying the plane and was attacked has the name Smit Machchhar. My Indian wife tells me the word 'machchhar' means mosquito in Hindi.

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