The Lemon at Comedy News Network tries to preemptively thwart Smollett blowback

The Comedy News Network's (CNN) Don Lemon had a full-blown conniption Wednesday night after his buddy from "Empire," Jussie Smollett [aka Smell It] was charged by prosecutors with a felony. Lemon panicked after the charges were levied and worried that Fox News and President Trump were going to jump all over the narrative over the alleged hoax. [He wasn't worried that his sweetheart may go to prison for up to three years, just that he would look bad in the eyes of the normal world.]

Lemon's silly segment came in response to the Cook County state’s attorney’s office's decision to charge Smollett late on Wednesday with felony disorderly conduct for allegedly filing a false police report. It's a lighter felony than most, but it's still a felony and can carry from one to three years, or perhaps probation.

"Sean Hannity is going to eat Jussie Smollett’s lunch every single second," Lemon fretted as a bead of sweat began to trickle into his nether regions. "Tucker Carlson is going to eat Jussie Smollett’s lunch every single second. The President of the United States is going to eat his lunch."

Nobody eats Jussie's lunch if the attack was not staged because Jussie still hung on to his Subway sandwich after he was allegedly mugged, had a noose put around his neck, had bleach thrown on him, got a fake broken rib and called the cops 40 minutes later, sandwich and rope still intact.

Following the charges, Smollett's attorneys released the following statement: "Like any other citizen, Mr. Smollett enjoys the presumption of innocence, particularly when there has been an investigation like this one where information, both true and false, has been repeatedly leaked."

But unlike any other citizen, this isn't the first time Smollett may have lied to police. In 2007, Smollett was charged with providing false information to police after being arrested on a DUI.

Earlier on Wednesday, Chicago police announced that Smollett was officially classified as a suspect in a criminal investigation for allegedly filing a false police report, which is a Class 4 felony. 

He will probably go free on bond for now.

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