Islamic State trades paradise for mass graves

Photo: IS

Yes, they had dreams and hopes and plans for the future--a heaven on earth, so to speak.

They wanted a place where they could go and pray five times a day. They wanted a place free from the filth of infidels, dogs and bacon products. They wanted an Islamic paradise where they could put their foreheads to the ground and their butts to the sky, develop a healthy zebibah (prayer mark) to show off to their four wives. 

To put it simply: all they wanted was a caliphate to call home and all the world's infidels to die in a horrific way.

Was that too much?

But all the jihadists got was mass graves or their bodies lying out in the open for the wild, hungry dogs to munch on as flies buzz around their remains in the quiet little Iraqi town of Dhuluiyah, about 55 miles north of Baghdad.

Dozens of dead terrorist dudes killed in 2015 lie in a hastily built pit.

"They should have ended up in the stomachs of stray dogs," local police officer, some guy named, you guessed it, Mohammed, told the AFP.

"We buried them here not out of love, but because we wanted to avoid diseases," Mo said.

Since the start of the 2014 air strikes in Iraq and the lovely land of Syria, about 80,000 scum crumpets have been killed by U.S.-led coalition forces. But that doesn't account for those killed by Russian and Syrian strikes.

Dhuluiyah is on the banks of the Tigris river. It's an agricultural community so when residents had to figure out what to do with the trash, (i.e. dead jihadis) they came up with the idea of using a bulldozer.

"We could have thrown them into the water, but we love the river too much to pollute it," said a local policeman, possibly also named Mohammed. "The people here as well as their animals drink from the Tigris."

So they dug a hole and threw them in, refusing to give them a proper Islamic burial.

"We buried them with bulldozers. Even in the ground they are still mired in their own filth," said farmer Shalan al-Juburi. "They said that they would got to paradise to enjoy the gardens of delights [like getting laid by 72 virgins and drink from rivers of wine], but this is how they ended up."

I guess bulldozers are haram, the opposite of halal.

Nearby a beautiful graveyard filled with happy-go-lucky martyrs of the town, stands in sharp contrast to the hole the dead jihadis lie in.

As Iraqi forces in Anbar province look to oust the ISIS crap weasels from their final footholds, operation commander Mahmoud [a derivative of Mohammed] al-Fellahi insisted that any Islamic State jihadis killed will end up in mass graves.

A senior Iraqi commander told the AFP that earthmoving equipment was used "to bury the jihadists after we collected information on their identities and nationalities.

In Syria, where the U.S. and Russia are having a pissing contest over who can kill the most scumquats, the Britain-based Syrian Observatory for Human Rights estimates only 50,000 have been killed, but both countries have assured the Observatory that they're still working on it.

One Syrian commander told the media that what happens to dead jihadis is not a priority. "At the moment, we are more interested in what happens above ground than under it."

Another military source said, "The terrorists try to collect the dead. If we find them, we try to identify the foreigners for a possible information swap with their home countries."Was that too much?

Rest in pieces, dog chum.


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Letting them go shows our love to terrorists

"Have a nice day, sir"

They worked hard, studied chemistry, then used their knowledge of chemistry to make explosives. Then they packed the explosives in suicide vests to kill people, got caught and were sent to Guantanamo Bay Detention, and were finally rewarded by the Obama administration for their hard work. 

In order to fulfill his legacy and have something to show in his presidential library, Barack Obama allowed two Al Qaeda explosives experts to transfer from the detention center in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to Senegal, where they will be given the freedom to pursue their jihad ambitions.

Will these two religious observers of jihad, followers of Mohammad, men who pray five times a day with butts to heaven and heads to hell, return to the fight?

You can bet your sweet ascot they will. 

Both Libyan scumcrumpets were listed as threats to U.S. interests (including our interests in living a full, productive life and not being blown up) by the Department of Defense. 

The information about their "transfer" and illustrious backgrounds was uncovered by none other than Wikileaks and its sister rag, New York Times.

A zebibah or "prayer bump"

Salem Abdu Salam Ghereby ( a guy who gets his name from a cigarette and a deli meat) had likely fought coalition forces at Osama bin Laden's Tora Bora complex in beautiful downtown Afghanistan. Salam ("don't inhale 'em) rubbed zebibahs with Al Qaeda's top members.

The other terrorist, Omar Khalif Mohammed Abu Baker Mahjour Umar (honestly, that's his name--he was named after all the members of Mohammad's famous platoon "The Fightin' Camel Humps") was assessed to be likely to "immediately seek out prior associates and reengage in hostilities and extremist support activities" once released. In English this means if you hear him screaming "Allahu Akbar!" pivot on the balls of both feet and run like your life depends on it, because it does.

Senators are currently preparing legislation to permanently block Obama releasing the remaining terrorists in Gitmo to terrorist 'hot spots,' and state sponsors of terrorism like Iran, Yemen, Sudan, Somalia, Syria and Libya. Sen. Mark Kirk (R-Ill) was to introduce the bill but I suspect that if liberals are okay with Obama's visit to Cuba, where a number of anti-American terrorists live comfortably under the Castro dictatorship, they are equally okay with Islamic terrorists going free.

Just as long as they stay away from them and their families.

With the release (they say 'transfer' but that's bull crap) of Ghereby and Umar, there remain only 89 islamic terrorists in Gitmo. I would have liked to see Obama or Kerry personally release them and walk them to the plane without armed security to ensure their safety, because they sure as hell don't care to ensure ours.


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