Biden team will work to keep him from falling on his face, literally

President Biden’s 2024 campaign team is working feverishly to find ways to keep the 80-year-old houseplant from falling on his face. 

Their first idea was to tell the public that Joe is struggling with a diagnosis of “significant spinal arthritis.” This way when he falls, he has a medical excuse and it’s nothing for the public to worry about. 

The White House physician came up with the diagnosis earlier this year and the team hopes that it will work like a charm to assuage the fear that Biden has one foot on a banana peel and the other in the grave.

The anti-gravity team, as some call them, is making Biden wear fashionable tennis shoes and limit him from stair climbing and ambulating free-style. 

The so called president is also undergoing physical therapy with Drew Contreras, who also worked with President Obama and got Barack to the point where he could curl a 5 lb. weight without dropping it. In Joe’s case, the purpose of the therapy is to improve his chances of not falling when going from point A to point B.

Biden began wearing the tennis shoes after taking a bad fall at the Air Force Academy in June. And he also was directed by his handler[s] to board Air Force One using shorter stairs to prevent another embarrassing fall as we have all seen him take when he fell three times up the stairs before making the change.

The team doesn’t care that he falls in general, but with election season fast approaching, they want to avoid having to allow him to look his age and show his physical deterioration along with his obvious mental situation. Nobody is going to vote for a vegetable—wait—the left would if the vegetable was running against former President Trump. 

Remember how so many Democrats voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016 even after it was obvious she had physical issues?

And let’s face it, they keep re-electing Dianne Feinstein and John Fetterman. 

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Biden claims Ireland is "home" which makes him an illegitimate POTUS

President Joe Biden, 80, claimed that Ireland was his home, which makes him ineligible to be the president of the United States, but as usual, he was lost in the jasmine of his deteriorating mind. He made this false statement during a press conference in Helsinki, Finland just before nearly breaking his butt trying to enter Air Force One to return to his actual home in the US.

The so-called president stopped in Helsinki to meet with Nordic leaders after he had attended the NATO summit in Vilnius, Lithuania, in spite of him thinking he was elsewhere. He mumbled alongside Finnish President Sauli Niinistö, who looked rather furklempt as Biden struggled to speak words that made sense.

Elder Abuse at the Air Force Academy in Colorado

“The minishing of minishers… The miniseries of cola’s daughter of Ireland… You can tell I’m thinking of home. Of the daughter of Iceland…" pic.twitter.com/puzkXWul5n

You can tell that he was thinking of home??? So this decrepit politician was thinking that Ireland was home. 

“The ministry of cola’s the daughter of Ireland — daughter of Ireland, you can tell that’s a Freudian slip, I’m thinking of home — the daughter of Iceland,” Biden said as Niinistö watched. “And I want to say, I think we’ve had a very productive summit.”

Yes, a very productive summit. Can he even slightly summarize what was discussed?

Biden then proceeded to take questions from two pre-selected reporters in the room, after which he got out of Dodge without taking unscripted questions which he would not have been able to answer.

Hours later, as the angry old guy was ready to head back to the US, his feet had failed him once again as he had difficulty dealing with the pesky stairs to Air Force One, in spite of the fact that he was using the shorter staircase to avoid such difficulty.

Biden stumbles a bit as he boards Air Force One — using the smaller stairs — en route to the United States. He took no questions. pic.twitter.com/UxCA75kdQP

— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) July 13, 2023

After the first few steps, the president appeared to stumble a bit before righting himself and taking the remaining stairs at a slightly quicker pace, pretending he was spry. In fact, he's been using the shorter stairs more frequently since going ass-over-teakettle onstage at the Air Force Academy in Colorado. [Rumor has it that he may have been chewing gum at the time.]

Reporters asked the affirmative action black lesbian White House Press Secretary, Karine Jean-Pierre whether the shorter stairs — often used by previous presidents in inclement weather — were being used more often due to the number of times Biden had nearly taken a header on the longer stairs or his recent stumble in Colorado but Jean-Pierre deflected.

“I don’t have any decision process to walk through,” she said. “I’m sure there’s a protocol that’s used for Air Force One, I just don’t have one.”

Decision processes, is an Orwellian term, also known as 'balderdash'. 

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