Bibi responds to false claims by former POTUS Bozo about Israel stealing Palestinian land

JERUSALEM — In a stunning development that shocked absolutely no one, local man Barack Obama took a brief pause from his busy schedule of giving multimillion-dollar lectures to fly to Belfast and explain to the Middle East how it has been doing history wrong for the past four millennia.

Speaking to journalist Susan McKay, the former American president bravely solved the complex geopolitical puzzle of the Levant by reducing it to a real estate dispute. According to Obama, the primary error of the Jewish state was failing to realize that living in your ancestral homeland is actually just a bad vibe for the neighbors.

"The fact is that the Jewish people, for millennia, were oppressed, discriminated against, killed," Obama said, laying the groundwork for a pivot. "Europe was responsible for much of it. They understandably sought a refuge."

However, Obama noted that once the refugees actually showed up, set down roots, and decided not to be exterminated, the local populations understandably responded by saying, "This is injustice, and I want my land back." He further warned that if Israel’s attitude is simply ensuring its own survival instead of surrendering to its neighbors, it has unfortunately ceded moral ground to people who chant "Death to America."

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu wasted no time addressing the former president's geographical critique, taking to X/Twitter to remind the world where things actually stand.

"The Jewish people are not foreign occupiers in the land of our forefathers," Netanyahu said. "Our history is not a colonial enterprise. Our land is not stolen land. This is our homeland."

Netanyahu characterized the Belfast remarks as a regrettable statement, gently pointing out the fundamental difference between ancient indigenous populations and European expansionism.

AI generated and very believable

"We're not the Dutch in Indonesia... the Belgians in the Congo, we're Jews in Judea," he noted, presumably waiting for someone to check a map of the Roman Empire.

Addressing the actual mechanics of peace, Netanyahu pointed out a minor speed-bump in the negotiation process: the people currently screaming "Death to Israel" and "Death to America."

"Regarding the path to a peace agreement, Netanyahu said that the obstacle to peace is not Israel, but rather the enemies in the region shared by Israel and the United States," officials confirmed, highlighting an ongoing refusal by hostile regimes to recognize a Jewish state inside any boundary whatsoever.

"We are the 'Little Satan,' you are the 'Great Satan,'" Netanyahu added, summarizing the warm diplomatic overtures frequently received from Tehran while noting that both nations remain tasked with defending a common civilization.

"A peace built on illusions will crash against the rocks of Middle Eastern reality," Netanyahu concluded. "Israel will not gamble with its survival to accommodate those who refuse to accept the facts of history, to accept our right to exist, or who wish to appease terror."

"We certainly do not; we never will."

Meanwhile, Obama urged the citizens of Israel to completely rethink their future strategy by abandoning walls and finding a more moral way to defend themselves, such as politely asking hostile actors to please stop trying to wipe them out.

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