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NEW YORK – In yet another shocking discovery that completely baffles anyone who thinks American history textbooks should contain facts rather than anti-capitalist fan fiction, resurfaced footage reveals that Mahmoud Mamdani, the father of New York City's socialist mayor, Zohran Mamdani, once taught an audience that Adolf Hitler took his notes directly from Abraham Lincoln.
The elder Mamdani, a longtime Ivy League academic who surely bills his revolutionary lectures on a taxpayer-funded credit card, explained during a 2022 panel discussion hosted by the Asia Society that America is essentially the grand-daddy of global mischief.
“With the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln generalized the solution of reservations, they herded American Indians into separate territories,” Mamdani, Columbia’s Herbert Lehman professor of government, said. “For the Nazis, this was the inspiration – Hitler realized two things: one, that genocide is doable. It is possible to do genocide, that’s what Hitler realized. Second thing Hitler realized, is that you don’t have to have a common citizenship.”
Naturally, local socialists are thrilled to learn that their favorite historical villain was apparently inspired by the guy on the five-dollar bill.
According to a cozy profile by the New York Times, the younger Mamdani happily credits his parents for a "privileged upbringing" defined by frequent dinner table chats about how much they despise Western civilization. That elite, trust-fund-adjacent upbringing clearly paid off, as the proud democratic socialist has spent his career fighting bravely for the working class from the comfort of trendy coffee shops.
During the same 2022 academic-circle-jerk, the senior Mamdani doubled down on his unique creative writing exercise by claiming that the racist and antisemitic Nuremberg Laws of Nazi Germany “were patterned after American laws.” He also bravely informed the room that Allied forces during World War II had the exact same malicious game plan as the Third Reich.
“The Nazi political project was shared by the Allies, and that political project was to turn Germany into a ‘pure’ nation. A ‘pure’ nation rid of its minorities,” Mamdani said at the Asia Society event. “When the Allies defeated the Nazis and went into Eastern Europe, they began to create ‘pure’ nations. To ethnically cleanse Eastern Europe of Germans – move them back into Germany. One crime doesn’t wipe out another.”
Critics digging into the family archive after the younger Mamdani's primary political upset were shocked to find that the apple does not fall far from the tree of campus radicalism. Footage from a 2021 Young Democratic Socialists of America conference features the candidate sternly instructing true believers never to compromise on mundane goals like “seizing the means of production.”
Meanwhile, in his literary classic, “Good Muslim, Bad Muslim: America, the Cold War, and the Roots of Terror,” the senior Mamdani brilliantly rebrands suicide bombers, arguing that the term is a total misnomer because they are fundamentally identical to any other “soldier[s] whose objective is to kill.”
At press time, the Mamdani family was busy drafting an academic paper proving that George Washington invented traffic jams entirely out of spite.
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