Tragic Loss: Al Jazeera Forced To Lay Off 24 Highly Skilled Terrorists Acting As Journalists

GAZA — In a devastating blow to objective objective journalism, Al Jazeera has been forced to part ways with 24 of its valued Gaza staff members after a pesky US lawsuit pointed out that they were actually members of Hamas and Palestinian Islamic Jihad.

The lawsuit, filed by civil rights group Shurat HaDin, daringly alleged that writing news reports while actively participating in terrorist organizations might represent a slight conflict of interest.

The news sent shockwaves through the mainstream media community, which has long relied on unbiased reporting from neutral observers wearing "PRESS" vests over their tactical military gear.

AI Generated and you get the picture

"CPJ has always been clear that we do not include anyone in our data sets if there is evidence that they were engaging in combat or inciting imminent violence," said Committee to Protect Journalists CEO Jodie Ginsberg, defending the organization's rigorous method of taking Hamas obituaries at face value. "This is consistent with international humanitarian law, which considers journalists affiliated with non-state actors to be civilians, provided they do not directly participate in hostilities."

After a thorough audit, CPJ reluctantly scrubbed 20 names from its fallen reporters list after Hamas helpfully published obituaries praising the "journalists" for their brave service in firing rockets at those pesky Israeli "Jooooze."

"CPJ condemns in no uncertain terms the misrepresentation of combatants as journalists or media workers, or the misuse of ‘Press’ insignia," Ginsberg added, expressing deep sadness that rocket-launching freedom fighters keep ruining the reputation of totally legitimate press credentials. "Such actions endanger every single individual journalist legitimately trying to report. We are conducting a full review of the names on our lists to confirm that no one who was actively engaged in combat is listed in our data."

At publishing time, Al Jazeera was reportedly accepting applications for new Gaza correspondents, requiring candidates to have "at least three years of media experience and zero active RPG-launching convictions. Anti-Zionism a plus."

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