"How dare you" Thunberg is ready to retire

"How dare you heat your home"

Swedish climate whiner Greta Thunberg is ready to call it quits. She's had enough with the weather and the snow and the heat and is willing to hand over her global megaphone and pass it on to another lucky millionaire wannabe. "It vuss a gut schtick but now I must get on mit mine life und have myself a gut schtupping. I vant so much to meet a transgender person for luff und I don't care vot vay he or she identifies so lonk as ve luff vun anodder in our special vay."

So it has been four long, long years since Greta came along and told us how to live and how to save the planet so that she and her generation can have the opportunity to thrive. Her "School Strike for Climate" didn't do much to change the weather, but it did make her comfortably wealthy and rumor has it that she's even considering paying the $8 for her blue check on Twitter. 

"You make us all sick with your gas heated homes. I hate you. Hate you."

Greta is now 19-years-old and seems less concerned about climate change than her stock portfolio.

"Dey need to vorry still about climate und hot tings especially for dose most affected by der heat und vind und snow," she told Swedish. news agency TT. "But I, on der odder hand must vorry about mein future und meeting a soul mate be it a he, she, they, them or doze. I vant to start having a family or maybe an abortion. I need to tink on it."

Ms. Thunberg said she initially believed an urgent debate on the climate was needed to save the world for future generations, because if you can talk about it, you can recycle.

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Thunberg is in her final year of high school in Stockholm, but isn't sure if she wants to go further in her education, but would, if she does go forward, plans to study the effects of plastic shopping bags on the environment, or lesbian underwater twerking. "It's a toss-around," she says.

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