Sunday, November 18, 2018

BREAKING: Scott beats Nelson after bitter recount war

Florida -- Governor Rick Scott (R) has finally defeated Sen. Bill Nelson (D-FL) in a Senate race that had the whole country back to watching the NFL. This race actually triggered two recounts and a slew of battles both legal and with public opinion.

The contest came to its final conclusion today, Sunday, about 90 minutes ago as the noon deadline passed for county election incompetents [in this case] to submit the results of a hand recount showing Scott ahead of "Dead Face" Nelson by about 10,000 votes, roughly 0.12 percent, or about as many people as can fit on the roof of a bus in New Delhi.

The hand recount was ordered when a machine recount showed the pair separated by only about 12,600 votes, or 0.15 points, or about as many liberals as can fit in a small town Zumba class.

These results assured Scott's victory in a hard-fought down and dirty race that lasted almost up to the 2020 elections, or nearly two weeks beyond Election Day 2018, when he was ahead of Nelson by less than one point, or about as many Democrats who plan to run against Trump in 2020.

As vote tallies continued to leak down from Democratic Broward and Palm Beach counties, like a broken catheter, Scott's lead narrowed and put the race within the 0.5 point threshold needed to trigger a recount.

Nelson, forgetting he is white, yelled "racism," but that didn't stop others on the left from following suit. The recount touched off a round of litigation from both sides and sparked a bitter fight in public opinion. Republicans screamed voter fraud as Broward County Election Supervisor, the execrable Brenda Snipes yelled "racism," and pulled a pen from her hair. Democrats screamed, "voter suppression," while offering no proof other than their feelings, which was good enough for them.

Anyway, it's over. Nelson has been retired and his legacy was never in existence anyway. His final words before leaving: "I cannot feel my face."


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