Prince Harry and Meghan win environment award for decreasing royal flushes

"If it's yellow, let it mellow; but if it's brown, flush it down." --Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

The environmental group known as Conserve Water--Save the World's Thirsty Minorities has awarded Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle the annual "Gulp Award" for their efforts at saving water and helping the poor and lower middle class to avoid dehydration.

As Brain Flushing wanted to report in 2019 but did not get the interview, the semi-royal family told British Vogue magazine that they would only drink water when they are out of alcoholic beverages or when same were unavailable. 

In addition, the couple vowed to only use their royal flush of the porcelain throne when it was graced with their fecal matter.

The Golden Throne they call their own

"Nothing says you care about the little guy than having the big guys ration their toilet water," Suzee Sezzpoule, CEO of Conserve Water--Save the World's Thirsty Minorities. "It takes real determination and dedication to minimize the often flagrant or mindless use of water. People are dying of thirst in Africa and deserts. Prince Harry and Meghan are great examples of courage and unselfish preservation of the planet's most precious resource. Water."

Accepting the award was Meghan Markle on behalf of her husband and herself along with their two environmentally appropriate children.

"Thank you," Ms. Markle began, "thank you, thank you, thank you. On behalf of Harry, Archie Harrison, Lilibet Diana, and myself, thank you. This means a lot to us, especially Harry, who has made the greatest sacrifice than the rest of us."

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Tillerson dumped while dumping, Kelly says

According to John Kelly,  Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was fired as he sat on the throne, if you get my drift. Reporters at the White House were stunned when Chief of Staff John Kelly shared the embarrassing story.

One thing for certain, Kelly was pleased that Tillerson didn't raise a stink when he heard the news. He took it in stride and knows he'll bounce back from being dumped.

Kelly did his best to convince reporters that the administration wasn't planning to "clean house" or do any serious purging, but Tillerson kind of sucked as Secretary of State and tended to counter Trump's decisions and free wheeled on the Iran nuclear deal.

According to sources who remain anonymous because they don't want to become a notch on Trump's rather large belt, Kelly had a very awkward conversation with the now former secretary of state whereby he told Tillerson that President Trump would very likely can his sorry butt. The content of the conversation was mostly awkward not for the words, but for the fact that Tillerson was "dropping a deuce" at the time.

Kelly told reporters that Tillerson was suffering from a stomach bug during a diplomatic trip to Africa and was shooting hot rockets into the Delaware when Kelly broke the news to him.

Sources couldn't believe that Kelly would make such a scatalogical pun, even off the record, to a room filled with reporters and White House leakers. [Did I just say 'leakers'?]

Tillerson will officially leave the State Department at the end of the month.

Some people go out with a bang. Some go out with a whimper. Tillerson will go out with the flushing sound of a commode forever in everyone's mind.


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Delta Airlines: He had to go, so they made him go

Milwaukee -- He was told to hold it in until after the plane was in the air and the seatbelt light was shut off. But he couldn't wait.

When you have to go, you have to go and go he did.

Kima Hamilton said that he had an urgent need to use the toilet while on a Milwaukee-bound flight in Atlanta on April 18. According to him, takeoff was delayed and the plane sat on the tarmac and he had to go.

It isn't clear as to whether it was "number one" or "number two" or both, but there's no doubt that he had to use the toilet and that's what he did.

Cellphone video depicts Delta agents asking Hamilton to de-plane after he returned from his seat. He refused to leave so the crew emptied the plane and allowed everyone but Hamilton back on.

The airline company says that it is absolutely imperative that passengers comply with crew directives, particularly at critical points of takeoff and landing.

FBI agents greeted him at the gate but didn't arrest him, he said. He got a partial refund but claims it wasn't enough to cover the cost of another ticket.


Talk about the rising cost of pay toilets--they're sky high.

I believe that airline crews are in charge of the cabin and passengers need to comply with their instructions. While it seems this guy was mistreated by Delta, we need to ask ourselves 'where does it end?' 


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Korans found in Texas toilet: heads will roll

Two students at the University of Texas at Dallas discovered copies of the Koran floating in a toilet in the men's bathroom on March 28th. 

Possibly in fear of their lives that they would be held responsible for putting the Islamic 'holy' book there, they alerted authorities . . . anonymously. 

UT-Dallas Police Chief Larry Zacharias told The Texas Tribune on Thursday that they "don't have too many leads" but are reviewing toilet videos with the help of university staff who were eager to volunteer to help. The Chief believes his team may have narrowed the timeframe for the death-deserving incident to about a 30-minute period.

"It's not something we want to blast out on campus because we don't want people to go, 'Oh, you're a suspect in the Quran thing," Zacharias said, emphasizing the diversity of the student body and adding, 'There's not much divisiveness on this campus at all."

During the November presidential elections, Zacharias said he made a point to ask students, particularly Muslim women, if they felt safe. The answer was always yes, he said. This may be due to the fact that they are easily distinguishable from the Jewish students who are statistically much less safe than the general population.

The Chief said he agrees with students who view what happened as a "one-time, stupid incident."

The president of the school's Muslim Student Association, an arm of the Muslim Brotherhood, condemned the incident.

"Given the current political climate and how Muslims are portrayed in the media, [see, for example, "Little Mosque on the Prairie"] it makes certain individuals act in this hateful way," said Mohammad Syed.

If the perpetrator(s) is discovered, heads will roll. The smart money, however, is that the dude is a Muslim.

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