Ariana to share more love to fight terrorism

Doughnut-licking mega pop star Ariana Grande has decided to hold a benefit concert for Manchester attack victims on Sunday.

The American flag and American citizen hater will return to the city of Manchester to raise money for the victims of last week's deadly bombing that killed 22 people and injured over 100 at her show titled "Dangerous Woman."

Now she's calling the new show "One Love Manchester." It will be held at Old Trafford cricket ground where she will be joined by such big names as: Horatio Dellarackatackapoulisianoppoulus, Poindexter Spinnackerloonerie, and Jealiandopadred Sciantiallini.

Just kidding. 

The big names are actually Coldplay, Katy "Just Hug it Out" Perry, Justin Bieber and Pharrell Williams.

All proceeds will be slated to go to an emergency fund set up by the city of Manchester and the British Red Cross. Hopefully, the latter group will not be handing out any doughnuts at the concert.

In a statement likely written by a ghost writer, she said to her fans that "we won't let hate win" and "we won't let this divide us."

Perhaps she doesn't understand why suicide bombers blow themselves up to kill others--it has nothing to do with hate, and everything to do with wanting to get to heaven in their loser minds.

And what does it mean 'divide us'? If anything, terror brings innocent people closer together as they feel a greater sense of strength by doing so. 

Grande apologized for any pain and offered to "extend my hand and heart and everything I possibly can give to you and yours," bringing into question as to whether she would have said the same thing had the audience been American rather than British.

"Our response to this violence must be to come closer together, to help each other, to love more, to sing louder and to live more kindly and generously than we did before," the naive singer wrote.

Yes, they blow themselves up to get into heaven while we sing "Blowin' in the Wind," to show each other love. 

That'll show 'em.

If only we could arm our military with guitars.




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Bill Clinton, Sex Consultant

Herman Cain has his hands full with problems being hurled at him by anonymous women who claim he has been sexually inappropriate with remarks and/or demonstrations, or that they just made them feel uncomfortable, or whatever. Mr. Cain blames the Perry campaign for spreading these lies, and the campaign denies it totally, just as Cain denies the allegations.  A third anonymous woman has also come forward, and claimed a similar occurrence happened to her, but she never reported it and is reluctant to give her name. Justin Beiber is also having similar problems with a woman who claims he fathered her child in a bathroom after a concert he gave, and he too denies this claim and plans to continue giving good concert.

Maybe Bill Clinton can come (no pun intended) to their rescue, just like he did with Anthony Weiner when he got snagged with his Weinerish body photos on Twitter. Maybe Bill can also help Julian Assange, the Wikileaks leader, with his sexcapade allegations. Cain, Beiber and Assange can then have bumper stickers that say, "I'm a friend of Bill's." 

Justin Beiber

On a funnier note, Occupy Everything But a Job is still going fast and furious. Oakland's mayor, Jean Quan, who originally gave the protesting bagovonds her blessings, soonafter took those blessings away and replaced them with teargas and police muscle. However, she had a change of heart, a wont for liberals to have, (when it's a conservative, it's called 'flip-flopping'), and she allowed the mob of slimeballs to return to the park, repitch their greasy tents where they could have sex with abandon, and protest things they cannot even spell.

Hey baby, whas your name?

In the wild and wacky world of terrorism, Viktor Bout was convicted of trying to sell weapons that would be used to kill Americans. Bout had little to say to the press and will likely be spending the rest of his days in the slammer.  On a more serious note, Linday Lohan is also going to jail where she will likely get better treatment than Viktor Bout, as she had no inclinations to kill Americans, just perhaps, her career. This is her 5th jail sentence and she will report on November 9th. It's expected she will not serve much time in the hoosegow because of prison overcrowding. Lohan will likely spend about a day or less in the slammer, which, hopefully will not interfere with her glamorous life. She has a photoshoot for Playboy, psychotherapy for her substance abuse problems to attend, and then plans to rendezvous with Bill Clinton when she's a free woman. Wait, that isn't true.

Viktor Bout mugging camera

Solyndra, Sun Power, Beacon Power, green jobs, Fanny & Freddie, OWS and Obama. Can things get more screwed up? Just saying.

 

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