Iran: "It's all Kim Kardashian's fault"

It's too bad Kim Kardashian isn't Jewish--if she was, Iran would have a double-whammy against the reality star. They are blaming Kardashian for their woes. Specifically, they are claiming that she is responsible for the corruption of their young people.

So the way they see it, the problem isn't that 50-year-old Iranian men marry 10-year-old girls, or that having public celebrations of "Death to America," and "Death to the Jews,"is the cause of corruption. The problem is that Kim Kardashian has somehow managed, along with other models, to corrupt young boys because they pose without wearing a hijab, a headscarf, or traditional Islamic "rape-protector." 

Iran has arrested eight fashion models for allegedly posting photos on Instagram without wearing "protection." The government is calling this travesty of modesty "un-Islamic," but beheading people, hanging them, or throwing them off tall buildings for being gay is just fine with them. So is having sex with livestock or a child is okay with the ayatollah. Unfortunately for the livestock, they have to be killed after the act, lest they fall in love, I suppose.

Actress and model Elham Arab confessed that she posted photos of herself online without wearing her hijab, causing a stir in the loins of all the men in Iran simultaneously. 

She was interrogated by Abbas Jafari Dolatabadi (his friends call him "Abe") a Tehran prosecutor, and he asked her who pays for her endorsements and how social media advertising works.

But a spokesperson for Iran's Revolutionary Guard Corps' Organized Cyberspace Crimes Unit and frequent masturbators said that the face behind the complex conspiracy to get young men and women hooked into popular culture that is totally "un-Islamic" belongs to none other than Kim Kardashian. "If you want to be Islamic, go out and kill a couple of infidels, don't waste your youth on semi-nude women," one Crimes Unit scumcrumpet told a group of teens that were forced to attend a Tehran mosque. 

Mostafa Alizadeh accused Kardashian of working for Instagram as part of a huge plot to "target young people and women" (who count only as a half a person) by brainwashing them with photos and hawking a lifestyle that goes against the values (LOL) of the Islamic faith.

"You want to be good Muslim boys and girls," Mostafa began, "go out and find a Jew and kill him or her. But make sure that you're dressed appropriately."

Ms. Kardashian was not available for comment.


Tweet

Hamas kills one of its commanders--the reason?

Gaza City, Gaza Strip -- Hamas reports that they killed one of their own commanders due to unnamed "moral and behavioral violations."

What in Allah's name could those violations be? Hmm.

It can't be for beating his wife--there's nothing wrong with that, according to Islam, as long as you warn her first about her unacceptable behavior. 

It can't be for being a pedophile. Even their war leader and prophet, Mohammad, married a six year old Aisha and consummated the marriage when she was an "old lady" of nine and he was merely fifty-two.

Perhaps the commander was guilty of bestiality, like maybe a goat or sheep--wait--there's actually a fatwa that allows for that when there's no one else around.

Immoral behavior? Hmm.

Maybe the commander ordered the killing of innocent Israeli civilians.

No, that can't be it because if you're a Hamasshole you're told to kill Israelis. They are Jews, and Jews, for Hamas, are not innocent from the day they're born. It says so in the Koran.

I got it! The commander must have been gay. That's the ticket. He must have been accused of being gay and when questioned, admitted to it, perhaps because he loved his partner.


Tweet