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| Comrade Mamdani and his fake smile |
Ah, New York City, the city that never sleeps, unless it's dreaming up new ways to chase away its taxpaying residents.
In a plot twist that feels like a bad sequel to Escape from New York, socialist wunderkind Zohran Mamdani has clinched the mayoral throne, and the exodus is already underway. Not the usual celebrity flight to the Hamptons, but something far more poignant: parents yanking their kids from the clutches of the city's public education system like it's on fire. And spoiler alert: it might be, metaphorically speaking.
Enter Christopher Rim, the school placement consultant who's suddenly busier than a one armed juggler. Chatting with the New York Post, Rim spilled the beans on the frantic scramble: at least 23 families have pinged him about shipping their middle- and high-schoolers off to private academies in friendlier zip codes—think greener pastures in other states, where "curriculum" doesn't come with a side of ideological indoctrination.
"Within the first 30 minutes of AP announcing Mamdani’s victory, I got three messages from families looking to move," Rim said, probably while checking his phone for the fourth and fifth.It's not like this was a bolt from the blue, either. These folks have been stress-testing their escape hatches for months. Rim dished that a solid half-dozen clients had already bolted to Connecticut, prepping for the inevitable red-flag wave over City Hall. "Over the summer, I started hearing families say, ‘I don’t know what we are going to do if this guy wins,'" he explained. "They were like, 'He's going to win, and there's no reason [to wait].'"
And who can blame them? A chunk of these fleeing families are Jewish, and their beef isn't with spoiled gefilte fish, it's with Mamdani's not-so-subtle Israel distaste, which has them eyeing the horizon for safety's sake. Rim put it bluntly: "They're saying they're worried about safety in their everyday life. I don't even think it's a financial thing. I don't think it's the taxes or how much more money they would have to pay to live here."
Enter Christopher Rim, the school placement consultant who's suddenly busier than a one armed juggler. Chatting with the New York Post, Rim spilled the beans on the frantic scramble: at least 23 families have pinged him about shipping their middle- and high-schoolers off to private academies in friendlier zip codes—think greener pastures in other states, where "curriculum" doesn't come with a side of ideological indoctrination.
"Within the first 30 minutes of AP announcing Mamdani’s victory, I got three messages from families looking to move," Rim said, probably while checking his phone for the fourth and fifth.It's not like this was a bolt from the blue, either. These folks have been stress-testing their escape hatches for months. Rim dished that a solid half-dozen clients had already bolted to Connecticut, prepping for the inevitable red-flag wave over City Hall. "Over the summer, I started hearing families say, ‘I don’t know what we are going to do if this guy wins,'" he explained. "They were like, 'He's going to win, and there's no reason [to wait].'"
And who can blame them? A chunk of these fleeing families are Jewish, and their beef isn't with spoiled gefilte fish, it's with Mamdani's not-so-subtle Israel distaste, which has them eyeing the horizon for safety's sake. Rim put it bluntly: "They're saying they're worried about safety in their everyday life. I don't even think it's a financial thing. I don't think it's the taxes or how much more money they would have to pay to live here."
In other words, when your mayor-in-waiting treats Israel's right to exist like an optional gym membership, folks start prioritizing survival over skyline views.
Pre-election vibes showed a JL Partners survey had 9 percent of New Yorkers vowing to definitely escape the city if Mamdani waltzed into Gracie Mansion, with another 25 percent mulling it over like that bottle of milk you left in the fridge over your vacation. Now, post-victory, the rubber's hitting the road, or in this case, the I-95 southbound lane.
Rim's latest story is about a family that's erased New York University and Columbia from the college wish list, because nothing says "welcome to adulthood" like waking up in a Mamdani-managed socialist metropolis. "These are families who have been thinking of leaving, been wanting to leave," Rim said. "This is just the final thing that pushed them to New Jersey, Connecticut, Florida, or even further."
Pre-election vibes showed a JL Partners survey had 9 percent of New Yorkers vowing to definitely escape the city if Mamdani waltzed into Gracie Mansion, with another 25 percent mulling it over like that bottle of milk you left in the fridge over your vacation. Now, post-victory, the rubber's hitting the road, or in this case, the I-95 southbound lane.
Rim's latest story is about a family that's erased New York University and Columbia from the college wish list, because nothing says "welcome to adulthood" like waking up in a Mamdani-managed socialist metropolis. "These are families who have been thinking of leaving, been wanting to leave," Rim said. "This is just the final thing that pushed them to New Jersey, Connecticut, Florida, or even further."
Even Israel is looking better and perhaps safer than New York City, for Jews.
So here's to the pioneers of the Great NYC Brain Drain 2.0, may their U-Hauls be swift and their new schools free of mandatory "equity" field trips. Meanwhile, back in the five boroughs, the socialists can ponder their utopia: fewer kids, more echo chambers, and a budget shortfall you could pilot a drone through. Cheers to progress, comrades.
So here's to the pioneers of the Great NYC Brain Drain 2.0, may their U-Hauls be swift and their new schools free of mandatory "equity" field trips. Meanwhile, back in the five boroughs, the socialists can ponder their utopia: fewer kids, more echo chambers, and a budget shortfall you could pilot a drone through. Cheers to progress, comrades.
Can I get an amen Inshallah?
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