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Enter Katie Porter, the erstwhile UC Irvine bankruptcy maven turned House Rep and Elizabeth Warren's favorite mini-me. Just a hot minute ago, she was the odds-on favorite to slide into Gavin Newsom's velvet governor's chair come 2026 (praise be, term limits). But oh, how the mighty have plummeted; this week, a couple of videos dropped that make her look less like a polished pol and more like a harried substitute teacher on day three of a caffeine crash.
In one clip, she's berating a reporter for the high crime of doing her job by asking follow-ups. In the other, she's dropping F-bombs on a staffer who had the audacity to photobomb her big moment. Classy as a mud-wrestling match at a family reunion.
Look, California is not exactly a Republican's dream date. We've got Steve Hilton throwing haymakers from the sensible center and Riverside County's Chad Bianco bringing that no-nonsense sheriff vibe; but let's be real: the electorate that twice elected Gavin "Lizard Face" Newsom thinks "homeless encampments" are just avant-garde public art.
In one clip, she's berating a reporter for the high crime of doing her job by asking follow-ups. In the other, she's dropping F-bombs on a staffer who had the audacity to photobomb her big moment. Classy as a mud-wrestling match at a family reunion.
Look, California is not exactly a Republican's dream date. We've got Steve Hilton throwing haymakers from the sensible center and Riverside County's Chad Bianco bringing that no-nonsense sheriff vibe; but let's be real: the electorate that twice elected Gavin "Lizard Face" Newsom thinks "homeless encampments" are just avant-garde public art.
A GOP upset would be like finding gold in a porta-potty: possible, but don't hold your breath.
Porter is toast. Newsom at least has that oily charisma, the kind that lets him blame wildfires on climate denialists while his mansion's got its own fire department. But Katie has the charm of a root canal administered by a drunk dentist who's low on Novacain. Her stab at damage control on Inside California Politics with Nikki Laurenzois was like watching a bad community theater production of Apology: The Musical.
She struggles to breathe between every sentence, much like Wolf Blitzer, and is about as convincing as the guy with a wet moustache trying to sell you snake oil.
Porter's "explanation" seems like it came right out of the mouth of spouse abusers everywhere: "When I look at those videos, I want people to know that I understand that I could have handled things better," Porter said. [Gee, ya think?!]
"I think I'm known as someone who's able to handle tough questions, who's willing to answer questions, and I want people to know that I really value the incredible work that my staff can do." You mean, the staff that you abuse like they're "Game of Thrones housemaids?"
She struggles to breathe between every sentence, much like Wolf Blitzer, and is about as convincing as the guy with a wet moustache trying to sell you snake oil.
Porter's "explanation" seems like it came right out of the mouth of spouse abusers everywhere: "When I look at those videos, I want people to know that I understand that I could have handled things better," Porter said. [Gee, ya think?!]
"I think I'm known as someone who's able to handle tough questions, who's willing to answer questions, and I want people to know that I really value the incredible work that my staff can do." You mean, the staff that you abuse like they're "Game of Thrones housemaids?"
Yeah, nobody is buying it, Ms. Porter.
Of course, those are just the latest in a long line of examples showing the former congresswoman has serious anger issues. Certainly, Porter's ex-husband thinks so, given she allegedly poured scalding potatoes on his head.
She also verbally abused a wounded warrior who was sent to work in her office, blaming the military veteran for giving her COVID-19. Now, the witch has responded to her latest woes in the most sociopathic way possible. This is a woman who feels no remorse for anything and blames everyone else for everything.
We've got a rogue's gallery of Democratic divas out there, Eric Swalwell, who's about as sharp as a bag of water; Jasmine Crockett, the human Molotov cocktail of racial grievance; Ayanna Pressley, who'd sooner burn the Constitution than read it.
We've got a rogue's gallery of Democratic divas out there, Eric Swalwell, who's about as sharp as a bag of water; Jasmine Crockett, the human Molotov cocktail of racial grievance; Ayanna Pressley, who'd sooner burn the Constitution than read it.
But Katie Porter is clearly the queen bee of mean girls, the one who'd steal your lunch money and then lecture you on economic inequality.
Her cleanup attempts are as effective as a rubber crutch for a goldfish. Time to hang it up, Katie; maybe pivot to hawking those whiteboard markers on QVC. Or better yet, timeshares in a parallel universe where politeness is still a thing. Lord knows, you'd crush the upselling.
Her cleanup attempts are as effective as a rubber crutch for a goldfish. Time to hang it up, Katie; maybe pivot to hawking those whiteboard markers on QVC. Or better yet, timeshares in a parallel universe where politeness is still a thing. Lord knows, you'd crush the upselling.
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