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Well, isn’t this just the picture of modern tolerance? A gentleman—aged 31, naturally a beacon of moral clarity—decides to pen a little love note: “What is happening in Gaza is not okay. I am going to shoot three children from your school. I have been watching them for a while. Enough, you will pay in blood.”
Charming, really. A regular poet laureate of our enlightened age. Apparently, this humanitarian soul dashed off his missive in early February, targeting a Jewish school in Amsterdam—because, of course, nothing says “justice for Gaza” like threatening to murder children in the Netherlands.
Subtlety, it seems, is not his forte.
The Dutch police, ever diligent, inform us they’re on the hunt for this misunderstood philosopher, who’s currently sunning himself in Turkey—presumably working on his tan while plotting his next ode to peace. Arrested? Oh, heavens no. That would be far too proactive. No word yet on whether they’ve bothered to send an extradition request to Ankara, but I’m sure they’re drafting it with all the urgency of a bureaucracy planning its next coffee break.
Meanwhile, the Cheider School in Amsterdam—yes, the one with the temerity to keep existing—soldiers on under “tight security.” How reassuring.
And this isn’t even the city’s first rodeo this month.
Lest we forget, December brought us that delightful scene of Israeli football fans being chased through Amsterdam’s streets by a mob wielding knives and a charming disregard for basic human decency. Beaten, hunted, dodging cars trying to mow them down—oh, and a spot of attempted kidnapping for good measure.
So here we are. A city once famed for its canals and liberalism now moonlighting as a stage for anti-Semitic melodrama. Threats to shoot schoolchildren, soldiers doxxed for daring to breathe European air, football fans turned into prey—all under the banner of some twisted moral crusade.
The Dutch police, ever diligent, inform us they’re on the hunt for this misunderstood philosopher, who’s currently sunning himself in Turkey—presumably working on his tan while plotting his next ode to peace. Arrested? Oh, heavens no. That would be far too proactive. No word yet on whether they’ve bothered to send an extradition request to Ankara, but I’m sure they’re drafting it with all the urgency of a bureaucracy planning its next coffee break.
Meanwhile, the Cheider School in Amsterdam—yes, the one with the temerity to keep existing—soldiers on under “tight security.” How reassuring.
One imagines the children practicing their sums while glancing nervously at the windows, wondering if today’s the day their would-be avenger drops by to “make things right.” Growing concerns about antisemitism in Amsterdam, you say? Gosh, I wonder what could possibly be fueling that.
And this isn’t even the city’s first rodeo this month.
Just a few weeks back, two IDF soldiers—daring to take a holiday, the audacity—were hounded out of town after an anti-Israel outfit called “Israel Genocide Tracker” decided to play vigilante. They splashed the soldiers’ photos and personal details across the internet, branding them genocidal monsters for the crime of, what, serving in a tank battalion? The group’s X post was a masterpiece of restraint: “After participating in the Gaza genocide… this Israeli tank commander… enjoyed taking selfies with them—landed in Amsterdam today for a vacation.” The horror! A man in uniform taking selfies! Surely the Hague should be notified.
Lest we forget, December brought us that delightful scene of Israeli football fans being chased through Amsterdam’s streets by a mob wielding knives and a charming disregard for basic human decency. Beaten, hunted, dodging cars trying to mow them down—oh, and a spot of attempted kidnapping for good measure.
Some ended up barricading themselves in shops, presumably wondering why they didn’t pick Mallorca instead. Danny Danon, Israel’s UN ambassador, called it a “pogrom,” and you can almost hear the eye-rolls from the progressive salons: “Pogrom? How gauche. Surely just a spirited protest gone awry.”
So here we are. A city once famed for its canals and liberalism now moonlighting as a stage for anti-Semitic melodrama. Threats to shoot schoolchildren, soldiers doxxed for daring to breathe European air, football fans turned into prey—all under the banner of some twisted moral crusade.
“The Western world needs to wake up now!!” Danon cries. Wake up? Oh, Danny, they’re wide awake—they’re just busy drafting hashtags and perfecting their sanctimonious frowns. Welcome to 2025, where the past isn’t just prologue; it’s the bloody encore.
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