Friday, February 16, 2024

It's now clear Biden suffers from neurological flatulence


The alleged leader of the free world, holder of the nuclear 'football' and Commander in Chief of America's entire military, President Joe Biden dispelled all doubts that his brain is barely keeping him breathing. 

The President suffered a mild brain fart while attacking the GOP during his speech about the news of Alexei Navalny's mysterious death in Russia. He said that he was "both not surprised and outraged" by the news Navalny's death, and went on to mumble about the Russian opposition leader's bravery in standing up to "corruption, to violence, to all the bad things that the Putin government is doing." 

Biden mush-mouthed with no proof that Putin, "is responsible for Navalny's death." He probably is but sometimes saying things out loud is a mistake.

"Putin had him poisoned, he had him arrested, had him prosecuted for fabricated crimes, he sentenced him to prison," Biden continued of Navalny's persecution. "Even in prison, he was a powerful voice for the truth."

How does Biden actually know this? Well, it's Biden, so there's that.

The alleged President went on and on and then began to attack Republicans in Congress and of course, Donald Trump.

"This tragedy reminds us of the stakes of this moment, we have to provide the funding so Ukraine can keep defending itself," Biden mumbled almost incoherently. "I mean this in a literal sense: history is watching. History is watching the House of Representatives. The failure to support Ukraine at this critical moment will never be forgotten," Biden warned. "It's going to go down in the pages of history...the clock is ticking and this has to happen."

History cannot "literally" watch anything. History has no eyes, you moron. 

As our barely sentient president attacked House Republicans, he then asked rhetorically: "What are they thinking?" by being out of town for "two weeks!" he yelled, sounding like an angry old codger. "My god," he opined about the House schedule having lawmakers working in their districts in the coming days. "This is bizarre," as he continued before accusing them of "reinforcing all the concern...about the United States being a reliable ally."

Then, as he continued to attack the GOP, he experienced mega neurological flatulence: a nuclear brain fart. He froze in the middle of his speech and his voice sadly trailed off into the ether.

Years ago, Biden threatened "devastating" consequences if Navalny died behind bars, but when asked what punishments would follow now that such a fate has played out didn't have anything to say. Instead, the cowardly Biden suggested that Russia has already faced a "hell of a lot" of consequences since Biden issued the threat. 

Look ma, no testicles.


1 comment:

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