Alaska Airlines goes woke: allows people who identify as pilots to fly their planes

"Coffee, tea, or me?"

Alaska Airlines not only encourages gender-neutral uniforms with preferred pronoun badges proudly displayed, fingernail polish for anyone who wants to attract passengers to the "Mile High Club," and makeup to cover up muzzies and other skin defects, now the airlines has taken it all the way. 

The airlines has gone fully woke and will now allow passengers who identify as pilots to fly their planes. In order to maintain their confidentiality, they will not be identified to passengers and will be quietly ushered into the cockpit and handed over the controls.

"We at Alaska Airlines respect all people and how they see themselves, be it gay, transgender, queer or lesbian," the airline CEO, who wishes to remain anonymous, said. "We are also developing "new, gender-neutral uniform pieces" for flight attendants and frontline workers, and encourage our transgender staff to wear two earrings per ear and single stud nose piercings.

"On long flights, we are allowing transgender women to read bedtime stories over the intercom system and tuck passengers, who want to be tucked, in for the long flight.

"It's all about ensuring that "everyone can bring their best and most authentic selves to work and to be an inclusive and welcoming environment for employees and guests alike," the anonymous CEO said effeminately. 

"Passengers who wish to 'dress up' for the flight will be welcomed to do so, and the best costume will win a ten percent discount for their next flight. In fact, some of our best flight attendants are flight attendants by day, men who dress up as women at night."

In the airline's statement it introduced readers to Glitter, a drag queen when not flying. He uses "they/their" for his pronouns and wore a dress and testicles with penis to his senior prom. "I love who I am," Glitter said, a little too emphatically and confused as to who he is.

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Jimbo is a woman and wears a male flight attendant uniform, fake beard, and speaks in a low voice. "I did chicks," she said.

Alaska Airlines added in its statement that it also has created "personal pronoun pins" that employees can wear with their uniforms "or shove them where the sun don't shine," one passenger commented.

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