Alaska Airlines goes woke: allows people who identify as pilots to fly their planes

"Coffee, tea, or me?"

Alaska Airlines not only encourages gender-neutral uniforms with preferred pronoun badges proudly displayed, fingernail polish for anyone who wants to attract passengers to the "Mile High Club," and makeup to cover up muzzies and other skin defects, now the airlines has taken it all the way. 

The airlines has gone fully woke and will now allow passengers who identify as pilots to fly their planes. In order to maintain their confidentiality, they will not be identified to passengers and will be quietly ushered into the cockpit and handed over the controls.

"We at Alaska Airlines respect all people and how they see themselves, be it gay, transgender, queer or lesbian," the airline CEO, who wishes to remain anonymous, said. "We are also developing "new, gender-neutral uniform pieces" for flight attendants and frontline workers, and encourage our transgender staff to wear two earrings per ear and single stud nose piercings.

"On long flights, we are allowing transgender women to read bedtime stories over the intercom system and tuck passengers, who want to be tucked, in for the long flight.

"It's all about ensuring that "everyone can bring their best and most authentic selves to work and to be an inclusive and welcoming environment for employees and guests alike," the anonymous CEO said effeminately. 

"Passengers who wish to 'dress up' for the flight will be welcomed to do so, and the best costume will win a ten percent discount for their next flight. In fact, some of our best flight attendants are flight attendants by day, men who dress up as women at night."

In the airline's statement it introduced readers to Glitter, a drag queen when not flying. He uses "they/their" for his pronouns and wore a dress and testicles with penis to his senior prom. "I love who I am," Glitter said, a little too emphatically and confused as to who he is.

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Jimbo is a woman and wears a male flight attendant uniform, fake beard, and speaks in a low voice. "I did chicks," she said.

Alaska Airlines added in its statement that it also has created "personal pronoun pins" that employees can wear with their uniforms "or shove them where the sun don't shine," one passenger commented.

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American Airlines mechanic accused of sabotage fired by Alaska AIrlines

Abdul-Majeed Marouf Ahmed Alani, 60, (AMMAA)  worked as an American Airlines mechanic since 1988 and simultaneously for Alaska Airlines from 1988. However, in 2008 he was fired after several maintenance screwups, some to the point at which the Federal Aviation Administration had to investigate, as per court documents from a failed discrimination lawsuit AMMAA filed. His mechanics license was briefly suspended by the FAA.

Meanwhile, American Airlines kept AMMAA on board.

In the latest case, he is accused of tampering with the navigation system on a scheduled Miami to Bahamas flight. He was arrested by the FBI on Thursday and charged with willfully damaging, destroying or disabling an aircraft in July after he was alleged to have used foam to obstruct a tube beneath the cockpit. 

Fortunately, the pilots discovered the problem via the aircraft warning system before takeoff of Flight 2834.

AMMAA was reportedly angry over stalled contract negotiations between the airline and mechanics union and claimed that did not want to hurt anyone. His aim was to delay or cancel the flight in order for him to collect overtime pay. He didn't let his past screwups get in the way to his decision-making.

Alani hadn’t had any major performance or disciplinary problems with American until he was suspended after his arrest, but there's always a first time for this guy.

And to add insult to potential injury, Alaska said it found at least three instances in which AMMAA was clocked in at both American and Alaska Airlines, according to Business Insider. It isn't known if he did that on his own, or had a co-conspirator assist in the deception.

Aviation experts said passengers were likely not at risk due to Alani’s tampering, but the most worrisome aspect of this case is how he fell through the cracks at American Airlines in the first place. 

Should the FAA have informed American Airlines about the problems AMMAA had with Alaska Airlines? After all, the FAA is the common denominator that was aware of his serious mistakes, license suspension and perhaps even his firing.

Abdul-Majeed Marouf Ahmed Alani is due to be arraigned September 20.

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