Canadians Defy the Laws of Physics

Global Warming: this photo is blogged
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

As we left the house this morning my wife, Thasneem, said to me, "This ice is freezing." I couldn't hold back my wise-ass response to her observation: "If it wasn't, it wouldn't be ice." But what she was really saying was how cold it was this morning with a temperature around -19 C degrees.

One of the things I've realized since moving to Canada is how Canadians defy the laws of physics. When it's freezing out, Canadians are just getting cooled off. When it's around -10 C degrees, they put on their coat to go out for long periods of time, but still prefer throwing out the garbage in their tee shirt. When it's -20 C degrees, they admit that it's starting to get cold and those two little round blue things hanging between that guy's legs aren't Christmas tree ornaments. No wonder Canucks kick butt in winter sports and call members in the Polar Bear Club a bunch of pussies. Canadians are impervious to the cold.

Well, maybe not all of them. There are still reports of poor people freezing to death in the streets here in Canada, so I should point that out that if you live in a town where they accept donations of overcoats, you might want to think of getting rid of that ugly monstrosity that has been sitting in your closet for the past five years never to be worn again because it's out of style and as ugly as a butt pimple.

Now getting back to the subject of cold--I plan to buy a pair of hockey skates to go along the canal. Thasneem plans to do the same, though she has never skated--the ice melts too quickly in India, and just as you're all laced up, it's gone.

Hope you are having a wonderful winter. If you aren't, you better do something abooot it, eh.

eyes

eyes
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

Today was Super Sunday and there was an Ottawa 67s game too. I'm all sported out after going to the hockey game and then watching the Big Game on TV. My son-in-law was my partner in crime today and we had a gentleman`s bet on the game--no money just chosing a side to cheer for--I chose Green Bay and won the bet. Half time with Black Eyed Peas was interesting in that it reminded me not of peas, but of a black hole--sucking up everything in its vicinity. I felt that if Frankie and I were on that stage singing with electric breasts and lightbulb butts, our voices and actions would not have been any less entertaining than what was on that stage. I mean it--the half time entertainment totally sucked. I don`t understand how people get paid such incredible sums of money to do what was done there in Dallas. Peas be up in you.

Well, maybe next year it`ll be more entertaining--maybe we`ll have a wardrobe disaster that`ll make the news.

Big TV Chick--this photo is blogged

Big TV Chick--this photo is blogged
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

Nothing seems real anymore. The media has taken everything we've known about humanity and buffed it up to look good, even though we know that reality doesn't even come close to what we're seeing on the tube. But here in Canada they don't do that sort of thing--at least not all of the time. The people are real--they have Canadian accents and say a boat when they mean about. They don't look like Hollywood glamor queens--they look like that chick sitting across from you on the bus eating a Big Mac and washing it down with a slurpee. They are totally real and I like that a boat Canada.

Please don't get the impression I have anything negative to say about full-size people; I don't and I happen to be in that category myself. I'm just saying that they choose people to represent the news here based on their brain size, not their waist size, and I like it that way.

I don't know the lady in this photo but she seems bright and knew what was new, or news, that is.

Anyway, I had to get this off my chest. And speaking of chests . . . never mind.

Next time I want to talk about winter photography from the comfort of your couch.

before jihad came home--this photo is blogged

before jihad came home--this photo is blogged
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

Egypt is in turmoil, Iran probably is ready with their nuclear weapon, everyone hates Israel including Obama and Hillary, and the snow is up to my belly button. Aside from this, everything is great.

The world seems to be posturing for something big, doesn't it? I don't know for sure, nobody does, but there is so much unrest of late. There's talk about sharia in Canada and the States, and nobody seems to care or perhaps they don't really know what that is. They don't know what jihad is either, but think it's only about an internal struggle. I believe the liberals need to feel good and look the other way, while the conservatives need to be alarmists and look at the danger in everything--even exercise. hmmmm

I just had a birthday and it blows my mind that I've turned 64 years old. That's older than my father lived to be. Older than Ellen, my older sister, lived to be. Probably older than Uncle Joe and Uncle Vinny lived to be. I ask myself, "Rob, what the hell are you doing, still alive?" and I have no answers. I'm glad to be alive but I'd change things in this world if I could. I'd change the millions of factions that separate people--things like religion, politics, race, economics. But that's impossible, eh? Christopher Hitchens is right when he claims that religion poisons everything--at least he's partially right, if not totally.

I miss my childhood, my innocence, my Winny the Pooh records with Jimmy Stewart narrating the voices. I miss Mickey Mantle hitting homers, Susie Snowflake, and Children's Theater. I miss my dad rubbing Noxema on my itchy feet after coming in from the cold, and my parents singing in the car as we drove along as a family.

But I have a wonderful life and I'm so grateful for Thasneem and Shabana (my Shampoo) and Frankie, my son-in-law. I will be a grandfather in a few months and that is a great thing to be. It doesn't make me feel old--the amount of time gone by, the black and white memories of my youth, recollecting thoughts of people I knew when 'hanging out' was what was happening, they make me feel old. My family keeps me young, happy, and in love with life. My photography and my writing make me feel that my life is making a statement, good or bad, but mine.

Canadian Nightmare

Ottawa 67s Goalie--this photo is blogged as "Canadian Nightmare"
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

The definition of a Canadian nightmare is when your hockey team is up by a goal with under a minute to play; the other team (the damned Guelph, in this case) pulls their goalie, they tie the score with abooot 30 seconds to go, and then score again and lead by 1 with 11 seconds left--and bang, you lose. The only good parts to the game was going with Frankie--he bought me a 67s shirt for my birthday. The other good part was it was relatively quick getting out of the parking lot. They could not possibly suck more than they did today--the game is 3 periods long and they played only for 2 of them.

Oh well, we still have 3 more games to see.

Shirt Swap--this photo is blogged

Shirt Swap--this photo is blogged
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

Well, I'm on my way to another Ottawa 67s Hockey Game. They're playing against Guelph, a team called The Storm. And speaking of the weather, it's -23 freaking degrees today. Colder than a well-digger's butt and the car didn't want to start this morning when I took Thas to work.

Anyway, I've never been to an Ottawa 67s game when they lost so I'm hoping I'll bring them good luck again, and if I can continue bringing them good luck, I might be able to convince them to let me into the games for free.

Gotta go pick up Frankie--I'm outta here.

This photo is blogged

This photo is blogged
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

I just got off the phone with Jamie, a salesman with the Ottawa 67s. He called me after I went to my first 67s game last week and sold me a Family 4 package, so Frankie and I are going to 4 games right through March. If they get into the playoffs (almost wrote "payoffs") I definitely want to go. They skate fast, shoot hard, and score that goal. They also fight fairly well too, but I don't go to the games for that, I go for the game strategies . . . okay, and an occasional fight or two. I'm not sure what it is about Canada, but once you live here, hockey becomes a natural part of your life. I think if I had been born a Canuck, I'd have a lot of hockey stories to tell between the empty spaces of my teeth.

So my next game is January 23rd, when the Ottawa 67s take on Guelph (not sure if it's called "The Guelph" or just plain Guelph, and I don't have any idea where they're from--probably a place called Guelph just down the road from LaFromage Ettienne).

So we got these great seats in the black section at a ridiculous price of $150.68 for both of us for all 4 games--that's what hotdogs, a soda, and fries go for at a Yankees game for you and your partner.

Hockey--who knew, eh?

Portrait by Thasneem--this photo is blogged

Portrait by Thasneem--this photo is blogged
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

I have a talented wife--she painted this "just like that." She often uses expressions like "just like that" for exactly that reason--the reason = just like that. Canada has given us colder weather than we had in New York City, but with that came the opportunity to get involved with our interests that we neglected back in the states. For Thasneem, it`s her painting, for me, it`s my writing and photography--the latter I never really put aside, but now there`s even more time to play with it on the computer.

I received my Visitors Visa Extension today--I`m good for a whole year before they come to take me away. I think I should have my Permanent Residency status by then, but I still keep my fingers crossed, which is to say that I still worry aboot it. I`ve heard myself repeating certain words like "about" and "process" saying them like a true Canadian should. The culture kind of freezes on you, if you know what I mean, so maybe they`ll let me become a fixture in this country.

The gym is pretty cool (less cool than our home, which is a fortune to heat), and I`ve gotten to know some nice guys there--most of them are retired, which is why they go the same time as me, a guy who is not retired but can`t work without that perm. res. card.