Guy steals car to go to court for car theft

Hartford, CT -- A Hartford man and likely candidate for the local Democratic Party, Jonathan Rivera, had a date in court for stealing a car. In order to make it to his trial on time, Rivera stole another car, police said.

Rivera, 25, [with matching IQ] was at Superior Court in Hartford on Wednesday to answer a charge of first-degree larceny and tampering with a motor vehicle involving the theft of a car on February 17.

While the car-thief [which is another name for socialist] waited to appear before the judge, the Hartford Parking Authority agents scanned license plates for parking violators and got a hit on a white 2014 Subaru Legacy parked near the courthouse.

The plates were reported stolen and the car itself had been stolen from Newington because a key fob was left in it.

Police staked out the car, and when the genius Rivera left court and got in, they arrested him.

He was charged with second-degree larceny and taking a motor vehicle without the owner's permission. He was also charged with blatant stupidity and a serious contender for the Darwin Awards, which is usually award posthumously. 



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Man arrested for punching ATM after giving him too much money

A Florida man was arrested Friday after he punched out an ATM because it "was giving him too much money" and said to him, "Have a Nice Day, a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year." [Just kidding about the machine talking to him.]

Michael Joseph Oleksik, 23, was charged with criminal mischief and rabid stupidity after Wells Fargo requested Cocoa Police press charges against the man whose IQ matches his age.

Oleksik was seen on surveillance video "standing at the ATM, pummeling the electronic teller's touch screen on Nov. 29."

He later called Wells Fargo and apologized for damaging the teller machine but said that he was "angry the ATM was giving him too much money and he did not know what to do."

The damage to the machine was at least $5,000. The damage to Oleksik's reputation as a rocket scientist . . . priceless.

Oleksik will be required to take an anger management course taught by a robot.


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