Even the Food Network takes CNN to the Toolshed in ratings

The Communist News Network's (CNN) post-election ratings are lower than whale poop, and that's on the bottom of the ocean. Since President-elect Donald J. Trump beat our failed Vice President Kamala Hahaharris in the election, CNN is at a point in their downfall where they cannot beat "Beat Bobby Flay."

TV viewers are more inclined to watch "Barefoot Contessa," "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives," or 'Restaurant Impossible," than "Anderson Cooper 360."

The failing network came in a dismal 17th among cable stations during primetime programming hours even losing to Hallmark's Christmas movies and house-hunting excursions on HGTV and the History Channel.

CNN's anemic audience was dwarfed by TBS, TNT, TLC, and Freeform, as well as Arkansas Highway Police chase videos and SovCit car-window busting arrests. To put it in perspective, a train in India has more people occupying the roof, than watches CNN. 

And this is despite the crazy fast news cycle this week with a manhunt for CEO Brian Thompson alleged murderer, Biden pardoning Hunter, and Trump's cabinet picks, for starters.

CNN has company when it comes to lost viewership. For example, MSNBC's "Inside with Jen Psaki" hit the dregs last week with an all-time low. 

The beauty of it all is that they have Donald Trump to blame.

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Muslim bomber makes quick exit from jet

The question plaguing many Islamic terrorists has to be: "If I blow myself up and nobody else gets killed, do I still get my 72 virgins?"

The failed jihadist, albeit successful suicide bomber, was sucked out of Daallo Airlines Airbus A321 when his laptop, generously filled with military grade TNT, was detonated, blowing a hole in the cabin just ahead of the right wing.

The plane was bound for Djibouti but was forced to land in Somalia. 

The instant change in cabin pressure from the explosion sucked the man out of his seat and into the clouds. Not only was he not wearing a parachute (it wouldn't have helped anyway), but as he exited the jet, he left without his crotch and his 'boys' whom he named Mohammad and Mahmoud.

Two non-sucked out passengers were injured in the jihad.

The sucked out man was identified as Abdullah Abdisalam Borle, 55, from the region of Somaliland in northern Somalia. He used a wheelchair to fool security measures at Mogadishu Airport, which gives credence as to why U.S. airport security make 87-year-old, crippled nuns strip down and undergo cavity searches.

A security expert at the airport said the wheelchair-bound jihadist didn't appear suspicious, he just looked sick, "as if he was about to die or something."

Borle's body, what was left of it, landed near the town of Balad, 20 miles from Mogadishu. Imagine the look on the faces of the town folk.

Sharia supporting imams are frantically searching the scripture to ascertain whether or not Abdullah Abdisalam Borle will get his full supply of virgins due to his failed attempt at killing innocent non-believers. And if so, will he need his man parts to make use of the eternal opportunity.


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