216 virgins "standing by"

A U.S.-led coalition drone strike in Raqqa, Syria, destroyed the hopes and dreams of three Islamic State jihadists this month, two of whom helped plan the November 2015 terror attacks in Paris, the Pentagon announced on Tuesday.

The third turd killed on December 4th was part of a botched suicide attack plot that targeted Europe last year. A Belgium court convicted him in absentia, meaning he lost his voting rights and may not have been eligible for healthcare benefits, but a more "stringent" punishment was meted out by the drone.

There are 216 brown-eyed virgins in Paradise awaiting further duties.

Pentagon Press Secretary Peter Cook told reporters "The three were working together to plot and facilitate attacks against Western targets at the time of the strike." He said the fighters were part of a terror network led by Boubaker Al-Hakim, who was killed last month in a coalition airstrike.

Over the past two years, the coalition killed 50 thousand ISIS scumcrumpets, according to a military official.

The dead Paris attack planners were Salah Gourmat and Sammy Djedou. The third jihadist was Walid Hamman. 

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A ISIS-inspired PR stunt goes awry in France

Cannes -- The French are not known for their comedy nor their ability to make pets out of snails and frogs. They are also not known for being stupid as a culture, but they tried their best to disprove that notion Friday.

A French internet company pulled a PR stunt that may have resulted in some people soiling their skivvies. They used a group of fake commandos who menacingly approached the Hotel du Cap Eden-Roc, a celebrity hotel near the Cannes Film Festival and roughly translated means "The Hotel with the Hat on Eden Rock."

Intelligent people by the hotel panicked as they witnessed what they believed was another ISIS attack in France.

The Hollywood Reporter wrote that six men in military-style gear approached the hotel where Vanity fair editor Graydon Carter was hosting an exclusive elitist party of liberals on the property. One of the "military" men stormed the stairs leading up to the resort.

Publicist J.R. Savet told the Hollywood Reporter, "We were all caught off guard. And then someone screamed and people jumped out of their chairs and started moving quickly to the swimming pool area. It was pretty scary. The fact that the men appeared to be (dressed like) an ISIS-like militia group was quite shocking."

What Savet meant by 'quite shocking' was that he wet himself and screamed, "Kill them, kill them. Not me."

Security was immediately called as the hotel staff acted like nothing was wrong while continuing to serve snails and frogs with French fries and red wine.

The ordeal was actually a publicity stunt for a French "global marketplace" known as Oraxy, which is French for "We bleed 'stupid.'" The company describes itself as "reserved exclusively for (Ultra High Net Worth Individuals)."

The fake attackers also sped past several huge yachts owned by Steven Spielberg, Roman Abramovitch and Ronald Perelman.

"It was not a terrorist attack. It was a communication effort and publicity for an internet site," French National Police said in a statement. Officials described the incident as "just a bad joke-a really bad one."

An Oraxy spokesmoron confirmed that it was all a publicity stunt and it was coordinated with maritime authorities and said the unidentified owners, who have since removed their heads from their nether regions, feel "really bad" about scaring the crap out of people, some of whom could have suffered PTSD or a heart attack for the sake of a bad joke.

The Cannes Film Festival is a slightly more than 560 miles from the recent Paris attack that killed 130 people.

This proves that rich or poor, anyone can be an idiot. Maybe they'll try the next stunt in Paris proper.

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"Leave Abdeslam alone--he's tired"

Abdeslam to suicide bombers: "You go first, I'll follow later"

Salah Abdeslam, the alleged Islamist mastermind of the attack that killed 31 and injured hundreds in Brussels, had been in Belgian police custody four days prior to the attack. Rather than grilling him effectively, Belgian law enforcement spent about an hour, (3600 seconds) questioning him . . .  because the poor guy was "tired."

The hour-long interrogation (LOL) at a Brugas prison produced even less strategic intelligence as a DNC discussion on how to defeat ISIS. 

Zero. Zilch. Nada.

The interrogators, pleasant folks who didn't want to interrupt Abdeslam's TV time in the Rec Room, didn't initially ask him about impending jihad plans, but rather asked chronological questions such as: "Please tell us about the Paris attacks, if you will, sir."

And the Belgian authorities knew about the bomb-making supplies and his fingerprints at the safe house in Schaerbeek days before the attack, and other evidence that an attack was imminent. 

"Damn the iceberg, full speed ahead!"

They actually stopped questioning Abdeslam because he had been shot in the leg when he was captured and his boo-boo still hurt.

"He seemed very tired and he had been operated on the day before," an official told Politico.

"They were not thinking about the possibilities of what happened on Tuesday morning," another person said. (I would have stopped after the fourth word in that sentence.)

The chicken's lawyer, Sven Mary, a guy who obviously had it tough in grammar school with a name like that, agreed that Abdeslam was treated delicately by police, and that they missed a golden opportunity to prevent the Brussels attack had they actually asked him probing questions while punching him in the bad leg.

Belgian public broadcaster VRT said that Abdeslam was planning a multiple shooting and suicide bomb attack in Brussels like those in the November Paris attacks. 

But the "mastermind" would have likely had other people die rather than him. That's what Islamic masterminds do--they get the expendable jihadists to do the wet work.


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IOM head: "don't call migrants a threat"

Easy for him to say

The politically correct head of the International Organization for Migration, William Lacy Swing, told the Associated Press that Europeans need to stop labeling possible Islamic terrorists as a "security threat" just because a bunch of them got a little rowdy in Cologne, raping and assaulting women, getting drunk on the streets, and robbing people. 

And don't let the Paris attacks make you label these poor people either, they contend--they have enough to worry about with all the Islamophobia going around, Swing implied.

Swing swung over to Berlin today as Angela Merkel faces increasing pressure over her uber-liberal policy of allowing mostly young, able-bodied men, an open-door to Germany, its welfare assistance, and the freedom to eventually announce publicly how much Germany sucks.

Some of the refugees will end up being active terrorists, some will wait until Europe is dominated by the religion of peace. Some will comply with German culture and will be called "apostates" by the Muslims who will eventually feel their oats.

Last year, German allowed 1.1 million asylum seekers (predominantly Muslim) into the country. Most of the remainder of the EU are reluctant to do the same. These people are known as "intelligent."

Swing, however, told the AP that Merkel and Germans [who are blind to what's happening] deserve "a lot of praise and credit" for their [naive] approach "and I think one should not let the terrible incident that happened in Cologne mar what is a very good approach to the issue," he said [because he doesn't live there nor had a daughter or sister raped or assaulted there].

It's always easier on the armchair quarterbacks to call the game.






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