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America turned 250 this Fourth of July, but according to the nation's most reliable experts on misery, the real tragedy was that too many people appeared to enjoy themselves.
While millions of Americans celebrated the country's founding with fireworks, flags, and gratitude, much of the corporate press responded as though they had just witnessed a national catastrophe. Apparently, nothing ruins Independence Day quite like an Independence Day celebration featuring... the President of the United States.
The New York Times led the annual Festival of Progressive Despair with an opinion piece by Robin Givhan titled, "Trump Ruined the Fourth of July for Me."
"But this year, I can barely tolerate the sight of red, white and blue," Givhan wrote. "When combined into a maximalist display of nationalist cheerleading, the colors make my heart ache. The flags on federal buildings are grand, but they hang alongside banners featuring President Trump’s scowling face."
One can only imagine the emotional trauma of accidentally encountering the American flag on Independence Day. Therapy dogs are reportedly standing by.
Not to be outdone, The Atlantic's Anne Applebaum declared that President Donald Trump had "inevitably" destroyed America's semiquincentennial celebration simply by existing.
"This year is different, because the White House is inhabited by people who don’t believe in the 'abstractions' that we usually celebrate on the Fourth of July," Applebaum wrote. "And this affects the rest of us, whether we want it to or not. Congress’s celebration, planned for a decade, has been usurped by the president’s celebration, funded by private donors and featuring a political speech by himself. Other institutions in and around Washington postponed or reduced their 250th celebrations, so as not to get in the way of the president. Many people who might have participated will not attend, pay attention, or care."
That is quite a claim considering Americans across the country somehow found time to attend parades, backyard barbecues, fireworks shows, and family gatherings without first consulting an Atlantic columnist.
The Washington Post also worried that Trump had made himself "central" to the anniversary celebration.
"As he has throughout the anniversary celebration, Trump cast himself as central to the story he wants the country to tell about itself: that America was diminished before him, revived by him and is now celebrating its founding through his restoration, a promised 'Golden Age.' At Mount Rushmore on Friday night, he told the crowd that he 'saved, almost single-handedly,' the Second Amendment and that he was going to 'give our country its identity back,'" the reporters wrote.
One almost gets the impression that presidents often deliver speeches during national celebrations. What an unprecedented constitutional crisis.
Former NBC host Chuck Todd responded as though the Declaration of Independence had been replaced with a Trump campaign flyer.
"Trump’s doing all of us a favor by selfishly trying to steal this anniversary from us. We now see who he really is. So no, it’s not the celebration we deserve. It’s not the one we could have had. But we get a mirror, and the mirror is telling us something. The country is a lot bigger than Donald Trump. It is bigger than any president, and it’s obviously bigger than any political party. And there’s no one definition of patriotism," Todd said.
He continued, "But it still needs leaders who understand that it still needs citizens who insist on it. And it still needs people willing to say that the national story belongs to all of us, not just whoever happens to hold power at any one moment. America at 250 may be a lost opportunity. Donald Trump has absolutely sullied the brand of America. But America 275 does not have to be."
Todd later confessed he felt angry and "betrayed as an American," insisting Trump had "cheapened" the nation.
"This is why I’m so pissed off. Not because I love the country less, but because I love the idea of America enough to resent seeing it cheapened by this man. America deserved better at 250. Some day, I believe it will get better. But it's in your hands," Todd said.
The irony is difficult to miss. While ordinary Americans spent the holiday waving flags and celebrating the country that has provided more liberty and prosperity than any nation in history, many elite commentators seemed personally offended that anyone would display too much patriotism.
For a movement that constantly insists America is irredeemably flawed, Independence Day presents an annual dilemma. It is difficult to celebrate a nation you spend the other 364 days apologizing for.
Meanwhile, President Trump delivered a 28 minute speech at Mount Rushmore before a 23 minute fireworks display honoring America's 250th birthday.
"The American dream still lives, and the American flag still flies more proudly than ever before over the people who will not quit," Trump said. "The nation that will not fail, the country that will not fall no matter how hard the enemy tries, we cannot be beaten."
Judging by the media reaction, the fireworks were not the loudest explosions of the evening. That honor belonged to the sound of progressive pundits collectively melting down because America celebrated . . . America.
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