Earthbound asteroid will graze us next month

Don't you just hate it when an asteroid strikes Earth and wipes out all life? Well don't worry--it isn't going to happen . . . just yet, but there will probably come a time when it will.

Anyway, a huge, 3-mile-wide asteroid is diddy bopping its way through the galaxy and heading in our way. It will graze Earth on December 17th, but will not hit us . . . this go around. 

The asteroid is named "3200 Phaethon" after the Greek god, and it will come quite close in astronomical terms.

The Russian astronomers [with the possible help of Michael Flynn] have been tracking this baby's path, which NASA describes as a "potentially hazardous asteroid."

If it hits us it's 'goodbye to Momma,' as I once heard a Gunny Sergeant tell his men in Vietnam during a mortar attack near our liquid oxygen converters. The converters, (aka 'LOX Converters') provides oxygen to pilots at high altitude and they make quite a fireball if hit, much like the Earth would if an asteroid hit us.

However, the asteroid will pass us by at only 2 million miles--practically a kiss on the cheek in astronomical terms.

It is about half the size of the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs, not counting those that still exist in the Democratic Party.

The first asteroid Ceres, was discovered in 1801 by Giuseppe Piazzi. There are about 600,000 asteroids in our solar system and they orbit the sun. 

The 3200 Phaethon asteroid is special as it has aspects of both an asteroid and a comet. Scientists previously spotted plumes of dust from behind it, which is quite similar to the melting ice tails that trail comets.

The Immanuel Kant Baltic Federal University, in Konigsberg, Russia, which first began tracking the asteroid said in a statement, "Apparently, this asteroid was once a much bigger object." But of course, they said it in Russian and went on to add, "But its many approaches to the sun have caused it to crumble into smaller pieces which eventually formed this meteor shower."

Keep your fingers crossed.


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Size-challenged planet discovered

Mauna Kea, Hawaii -- scientists have discovered a dwarf planet in our solar system and little people across the USA are protesting the designation of "dwarf planet." 

One "little person" who wished to remain anonymous said that "I'm sick and tired of being called a dwarf. If I was a (expletive) dwarf, (expletive) Disney would be paying me a good (expletive) salary. Call me a (expletive) little person."

Using a telescope with a lot more magnification than a Cracker Jacks magnifying glass, the scientists spotted the planet from atop of Mauna Kea, a rather tough climb of a mountain.

The size-challenged planet is only about 435 miles across, and it doesn't yet have a name, but for now, you can call it 2015RR245. But as for me, I like to call it "Peekaboo ICU." 

Let's face it, the little guy's been honking along on a 700 earth year highly elliptical orbit around the sun and it has finally been noticed.

"The icy worlds beyond Neptune trace how the giant planets formed and then moved out from the Sun. They let us piece together the history of our Solar System," Michele Bannister said. She is a researcher with the Outer Solar System Origins Survey (OSSOS) and is not related to Dr. Roger Bannister, the first human being to break the 4-minute mile.

OSSOS is the organization that made the discovery and they can't stop themselves from bragging about it.

Bannister said in a statement: "But almost all of these icy worlds are painfully small and faint: it's really exciting to find one that's large and bright enough that we can study it in detail."

The surface of Peekaboo ICU is still uncertain and this could help OSSOS calculate the size of the compact planet more precisely.

"It's either small and shiny, or large and dull," Bannister said.

Peekaboo ICU was first imaged last year but wasn't noticed until February 2016. It is now among other size-challenged planets such as Pluto, Eris, Ceres and Makemake (which would be an great planet to send ISIS).

I welcome any names you can come up with.


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