Iranian Official Clarifies That Torturing Citizens Is Purely Self-Care, Actually

Reminiscent of the Zohran Mamdani Sleazy Grin

NEW YORK — Iranian Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi shared a warm, heartfelt smile with a reporter on Friday after being asked why his government has executed over 900 citizens this year while subjecting thousands more to torture and imprisonment.

According to witnesses, the foreign minister appeared visibly delighted to be asked about his regime’s favorite weekend activity.

"Tried to ask Iranian Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi how he can call himself 'a victim of terrorism' while his government has executed more than 900 Iranians this year, and while thousands of others have been tortured and imprisoned?" asked Fox News Digital reporter Efrat Lachter, posting footage of the interaction to social media. "What, exactly, did he find amusing?"

Sources inside the diplomatic delegation confirmed that Araghchi was simply amused that someone would question the therapeutic benefits of state-sponsored public hangings.

The exchange followed inspiring remarks made Wednesday by Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian at the United Nations General Assembly, where he courageously called out the international community for labeling his peaceful torture-enthusiast government as bad guys.

“The US president described us as terrorists,” Pezeshkian explained to the assembly. “We have been the victims of terrorism.”

Earlier in the week, Araghchi expressed deep sorrow over the lack of international empathy for his regime's struggle to crush basic human rights in peace.

"In the face of the atrocities that occurred, where 168 innocent children were deliberately massacred in a single instant, these countries do not even issue a simple condemnation," Araghchi noted, adding that his delegation was in New York specifically to "defend the legitimacy, rights and interests of the Iranian people," right up until those same people speak out of turn and need to be promptly executed.

At publishing time, the Iranian delegation was seen browsing local real estate in Manhattan to find a nice, quiet park for their next scheduled execution.

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