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| This idiot didn't earn his fortune |
PACIFIC PALISADES, CA — In what experts are calling an innovative new approach to neighborhood relations, the heir to one of California's largest raisin fortunes has been charged with felony hate crimes after allegedly standing on his balcony and screaming anti-Semitic death threats at a rabbi leading a Sabbath prayer service next door.
Authorities say Bruce Alfred Lion, 64, apparently looked at a peaceful gathering of Jewish worshipers and concluded that the best use of his evening was to audition for the role of "Most Unhinged Hateful Neighbor in Los Angeles."
According to prosecutors, Lion allegedly shouted threats at Rabbi Zushe Cunin of Chabad of Pacific Palisades while the rabbi was leading a Shabbat service on June 5. Witnesses reported that the service had previously been focused on prayer, community, and worship before being unexpectedly interrupted by what sounded like a malfunctioning cable-news comment section.
The Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office charged Lion with three felony hate crimes, including one count of violation of civil rights and two counts of criminal threats.
"Hate has no place in Los Angeles County. My office is aggressively prosecuting these disturbing acts that tear at the fabric of our society," Los Angeles County District Attorney Nathan J. Hochman said in a statement.
Prosecutors say hate crimes in Los Angeles have surged in recent years, with antisemitic incidents reaching record highs. Meanwhile, Lion allegedly contributed to those statistics with all the subtlety of a man trying to speedrun a felony indictment.
Hochman warned that crimes motivated by prejudice against religion, race, nationality, gender, or sexual orientation will continue to be prosecuted, a reminder that "don't threaten to kill your neighbors" remains one of society's more achievable standards.
Lion was arrested on June 13. Prosecutors requested, and received, bail set at $225,000. If convicted, he faces up to nine years and four months in prison, giving him ample time to reflect on the fact that screaming antisemitic threats at a rabbi is generally considered a poor life strategy.
Perhaps the most remarkable part of the story was the speed with which Lion's family's company sprinted away from him.
"Recent reports about the conduct of Bruce Lion are deeply troubling and do not reflect the values of Lion Raisins. We unequivocally condemn anti-Semitism, racism, and all forms of hate, discrimination, and intolerance," the company said in a statement.
The company further clarified that the suspect "does not actively participate in the company’s day-to-day operations," a corporate phrase roughly translating to: "Please stop associating us with the guy yelling threats from a balcony."
The statement added that Lion Raisins remains "committed to fostering understanding and respect among all communities and to ethical conduct, mutual respect, and responsible corporate citizenship."
Sources say the company's public relations team achieved a new Olympic record in the event known as Distancing Yourself From The Relative Who Just Got Charged With Three Felony Hate Crimes.
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