'Maryland Man' Kilmar Abrego Garcia, may be deported to Eswatini after snubbing Trump's deal

The border security circus just keeps getting wilder and yes, more entertaining. 

Kilmar Abrego Garcia, the accused MS-13 gang member and El Salvador national, is now staring down deportation to the beautiful nation of Eswatini, a speck of a country in Southern Africa.  This is because he had the audacity to thumb his nose at a deal from the Trump administration. "You can’t make this stuff up," as the kids say.

This guy, a one-time Maryland resident accused of human smuggling, was already yo-yoed back to the U.S. after a brief stint in El Salvador earlier this year. On Friday, the Department of Homeland Security and ICE dropped the hammer via email, informing Garcia's camp of his impending one-way ticket to Eswatini, the teeny tiny jerkwater town where even the waterbuffalo refuse to roam.

Eswatini was chosen after Garcia, 30, handed ICE a laundry list of 22 countries he claims he can't live in due to "fear of persecution or torture." Uganda, Mexico, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Panama, Brazil, and a boatload of other South American nations made the no-go list, per the removal notice obtained by Fox News. "Sounds like someone’s been workshopping their sob story," as any red-blooded skeptic might mutter.

Here’s the best part: Garcia could have taken a plea deal on his human smuggling charges and served time in Costa Rica, the land of beaches and piña coladas. Instead, he rolled the dice and lost. El Salvador was happy to lock him up in their notorious Terrorism Confinement Center on the ides of March, but thanks to a Supreme Court ruling, they cut him loose back to the U.S. in June. He landed in Tennessee's Putnam County Jail, only to be sprung on Aug. 22 under electronic surveillance and home confinement in Maryland. "Because nothing says 'tough on crime' like ankle bracelets and Netflix," quips the ghost of common sense.

DHS initially threatened to ship this alleged transnational criminal to Uganda, but now they've pivoted to Eswatini, a landlocked kingdom so obscure it sounds like a rejected Star Wars planet. Fox News got their hands on the ICE letter to Garcia's lawyers, and let's just say the guy is not exactly packing his bags with enthusiasm. He's still whining about "persecution or torture" in 22 countries. "Buddy, at this point, you’re just throwing darts at a map," I can hear the ICE agents chuckling.

The Trump administration has already sent five deportees to Eswatini's maximum-security slammer, and the legal challenges are piling up faster than a sovereign citizen's unpaid parking tickets. 

The Legal Aid Society is crying foul for one deportee, a Jamaican national who claims he was "inexplicably and illegally" sent to Eswatini despite his home country being ready to take him back. DHS, naturally, says that's a load of bull pucks.

Garcia and his lovely, allegedly abused wife

For those keeping score, Eswatini's the last absolute monarchy in Africa, ruled by King Mswati III, who's got 16 wives and a gaggle of kids. It's a pint-sized nation squeezed between South Africa and Mozambique, where 32% of the population lives below the poverty line, according to The World Bank. 

"Sounds like a real paradise for an MS-13 gangbanger," said no one ever.

So, here we are, watching another chapter in the deportation drama unfold. Will Garcia end up in Eswatini, or will his lawyers pull another rabbit out of the hat, or wherever their rabbits are pulled from?

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