Washington, D.C. -- A fourth tranche of classified documents have been discovered in President Joe Biden's home in Delaware and to make matters worse, the White House now says that there exists no visitor logs to verify who may have had access to the treasure trove of secret government information.
When questioned about the possibility of being impeached followed by an indictment using the Espionage Act as the legal frame, President Biden denied that the law of the United States government pertains to him.
"C'mon, man. Who is the victim in this? Can you name a victim?" Biden asked.
"I'm a man of the land, not an entity of a De facto government and I do not, let me repeat, do not accept for value these charges as they do not pertain to me. I don't answer to a government sui juris named Merrick Garland, I answer to the almighty. And I am a real flesh and blood human being acting as an agent for Joe Biden and will call upon my fellow Kingdom of Heaven members Corn Pop and Henry Patrick to attest to that fact, Jack."
Biden was next asked about the $49, 910 a month he received in "rent" from his son, Hunter Biden, and whether he claimed that money as income on his tax returns.
"Listen. I do not accept taxation without representation and as a flesh and blood human being on this earth, no government has the right to tax me. They need to pay me for my time here for one hundred billion million dollars. I'm not kidding. I'm a damn Freeman of the Lands and that's all that I gotta say."
Then he turned and stiffly walked away, arms at his side like a zombie with a pantload in his skivvies.
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