Butterball Kim and his 'Pleasure Squad'

Peeping Kim

In order to prove that he's not simply a butterball with the appeal of a rat flattened by a steamroller, Kim Jong Un has ordered a new 'pleasure squad' of teenage girls to have sex with him and cater to his fantasies.

The underage girls, known as Gippeumjo, or 'pleasure squads' was originally introduced by North Korea's founder, Kim Il-sung. The practice was halted by Kim the Butterball, following the death of his father, Kim Jong-Il, in 2011.

But even with Dennis Rodman as his wing-man, Kim wasn't able to score a date and things were "looking blue," if you get my drift, so he decided to resurrect the practice of sexually abusing young girls whose only choices were to "put out" or "put this blindfold on and stand against that wall."

It is believed that the girls must be tall and beautiful and absolutely not permitted to vomit during coitus. They are hand-selected by Korean officials who, if they mess up, must play a game of "Dodge Mortar" until they die.

Some of the girls may be as young as 13 or 14 and are checked by a doctor to determine if they are virgins. 

They are taken from their schools, removed from their family, and forced to do whatever 'Butterball' tells them.

According to Toshimitsu Shigemura, a professor at Waseda University in Tokyo, Kim stopped the practice of the pleasure squad because he didn't trust the girls. Now they must sign a pledge not to say anything about "Little Dennis," Kim's 'man thingy.'


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