Para-Rats at Chipotle

Poor Chipotle restaurants just can't catch a break.

The fast-food casual restaurant chain has had its collective hands full of problems like the E. coli outbreak in November 2015 or the norovirus-like symptoms customers experienced at one of the Virginia locations earlier this week.

Now in Dallas, one patron said that was raining rats from the ceiling of its downtown location. A Facebook video that has since been deleted (but can be seen on Twitter for your viewing displeasure) shows two unnamed mice scurrying on the floor of a Chipotle location in Dallas, allegedly after falling from the ceiling.

The Facebook caption was posted by user Bahadir Han Koseli who wrote: "Rats fell from the ceiling at Chipotle in the West End."

Needless to say, Koseli got a myriad of "Likes" on his FB page.

The one that made it

Koseli said the incident "brought a quick end to lunch" and claimed the management "didn't do anything while we were there but apologize."

Sure, they should have beaten the rats with fajita frying pans and brooms until they were little bloody pools of death while customers sat around and watched the show. 

I don't think so.

Chipotle acknowledged the rat problem and outlined, to Fox News, measures it's taking to fix it.

But the real clincher for Chipotle wasn't the rat problem and the falling from the ceiling. No, the real problem for the restaurant chain is that PETA is suing them for not providing the rats with a safe, soft surface on which to land.

In addition, PETA claims that several of the rats were injured from the fall which would have never happened if Chipotle had a reinforced ceiling that didn't use acoustic tiling, which can easily break by the weight of those poor, misunderstood creatures of God.

Tweet

Poisoned by Pakistan or was it Chipotle?

In an incredibly amazing report by former and current U.S. officials, it was revealed how Pakistan's top spy agency may have secretly poisoned a CIA chief in the weeks after the U.S. raid that killed Osama bin Laden in 2011.

The retired chief in question is the world unknown Mark Kelton. The CIA chief spy came down with an amazing and mysterious illness which left him in unbelievable pain. Pain so bad, you wouldn't believe it. Yes, it was horrible pain.

Those officials claimed Pakistan's Inter-Services Intelligence agency, or ISI (aka "I see you, you don't see me") held grudges against diplomats with their fancy cars, journalists who thought they were special, and others who the Pakistan government considered opponents.

The head of ISIS, a Muslim named Ahmed Shuja Pasha, called Kelton "the cadaver" instead of using his real name. That isn't nice, folks. 

After several months passed since Bin Laden been killed, Kelton left the lovely country of Pakistan and regained his strength after doctors performed abdominal surgery. I don't know what they found when they opened him up, but I can tell you folks, it wasn't pretty.

Kelton said he wasn't the first person to suspect he'd been poisoned--there are no Chipotles in Pakistan. He said "I'd rather let that whole sad episode lie."

Spokesman for the Pakistan Embassy, Nadeem Hotiana (whose last name sounds like it belongs to a porn queen) said the claims were "fictional" not unlike Obama's claims about Obamacare. 

Donald Trump is not responsible for the content of this post.


Tweet