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JERUSALEM—In what is being hailed as a triumph for modern academic cross-training, local pharmacy student Mohammed Shalabi reportedly decided to put his expensive higher education to good use by skipping the neighborhood CVS and heading straight for global jihad, according to the State Attorney's Office.
Shalabi, a 22-year-old resident of Beit Hanina, was hit with a severe indictment Thursday in the Jerusalem District Court on charges of preparing to commit acts of terror, murder, and receiving terror training. Prosecutors say the third-year student looked at his organic chemistry syllabus and thought, "Why cure a cold when you can fulfill your dream to kill 'a lot of Jews'?"
According to court documents, Shalabi’s radicalization pipeline included systematically consuming content from Hamas and ISIS Telegram groups, proving that modern distance learning has truly expanded its course offerings.
The aspiring chemist's career path nearly took a petty bureaucratic detour in early 2025. Angered by parking tickets issued to worshippers near a local mosque, Shalabi spent two months tracking law enforcement activity with plans to blow up the parking enforcement officers. However, the plan fell through after the enforcement officials simply stopped coming to the location, proving once again that municipal bureaucracy is the ultimate deterrent to domestic terrorism.
Undeterred, Shalabi pivoted to a larger-scale operation. He downloaded manuals from the internet on preparing explosives and meticulously copied recipes into a notebook for poisons capable of causing death by touch, inhalation, or drinking.
Moving swiftly from theory to practical lab work, Shalabi traveled to Ramallah twice to purchase chemical materials in small batches to avoid suspicion. He then conducted a home chemistry experiment in his family bathroom by igniting a mixture to test his materials, successfully violating every known campus safety regulation.
Prosecutors are currently asking the court to hold Shalabi in detention until the conclusion of legal proceedings, denying him any further independent study time in the bathroom.
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