Britain prints knife crime warnings on deep fried chicken boxes

The following is true, but the satire is obvious.

You have a better chance of dying from the cholesterol-soaked fried chicken than a knife crime in Britain, but now the country that gave us the Magna Carta is putting warning labels about the dangers of knife crime on chicken takeout boxes.

That is not to say that knife crime should be taken lightly, especially in the country that gave us Gilbert and Sullivan's "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General" and blood pudding, but to put a warning label on a chicken box is a tad over the top. It isn't as if being warned about someone coming up to you brandishing a knife is going to save you or perhaps your chicken from being confiscated, if that's what he's going for, so what good is putting that on the box going to do? 

In fact, being attacked by a knife wielding maniac might spoil your appetite and you end up throwing the chicken away, which would be what actually saves your life or the high cost of open heart surgery.

But the warnings aren't simply about being accosted by a maniac. It's also about the dangers of the British carrying a knife so that they can cut their greasy chicken properly. Evidently, the government believes that Britishers are just as incompetent as they are and don't trust them with a plastic utensil.

"Special chicken boxes warning about the dangers of carrying a knife are to be distributed to takeaways across England and Wales by the government," reports Sky News. "More than 320,000 of them - featuring the Home Office #knifefree campaign - will replace the standard packaging in 210 outlets."

These special chicken boxes will only be given out to those people who look as if they hear command voices from their pets.

The boxes feature stories of young people who either fell victim to knife crime or escaped it. The government is hoping that by reading about knife crime, it will statistically reduce the chances of it actually happening to the reader. 

It reminds one of the story about the statistician who got caught bringing a bomb onto a plane. He was stopped and questioned: "Why did you bring a bomb on this plane?" the security guard asked him. 

"Because the chances of there being a bomb on the plane is about one in two hundred thousand. But the chances of there being two bomb on the plane is about one in seventeen million. I just didn't want to take the chance."

Rumors are being spread that the British government is planning to launch a "knife-free raw coconut eating campaign." Please watch the inspirational video above.

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