Leader of ISIS affiliate joins the Smithereens with Lotsa Virgins

The top cheese of an ISIS affiliate in Afghanistan has paid the ultimate price: he has been blown up by a drone into little bite-size pieces and has joined the "fightin' Smithereens with Lotsa Virgins," officials told Fox News on Sunday.

Abu Sayeed Orakzai was the ISIS-K leader [a group often referred to laughingly by US Special Forces as "Not-so Special K"] and was responsible for a number f recent bombings that killed hundreds of civilians, most of whom didn't have an axe to grind with Islam.

The deputy spokesman for Afghanistan's President Ashraf Ghani made the announcement of Orakzai's departure on the "Jannah Express." Lt. Col. Martin O'Donnell, U.S. Forces-Afghanistan, passed the announcement on to the media.

"I would also add that the United States unrelentingly continues its counterterrorism efforts agains ISIS-K, Al-Qaeda, and other regional and international terrorist groups," O'Donnell said in a statement.

The drones were launched in the Nangarhar province, close to the border with Pakistan. Ten additional ISIS scumwafers were also sent to Jannah for less beautiful virgins due to their lower ranking the 'Not-so Special K.'

Orakzai is no less than the third [the 'h' is silent] ISIS-K leader/loser killed in the past two years. Since declaring the land bordering Iraq and Syria a caliphate in 2014, ISIS has lost about 90 percent of it.

Orakzai's death comes just days after an audio recording of ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi resurfaced, and in which he congratulated his loyal Muslims on the Islamic occasion of Eid al-Adha, a Muslim holiday. He made reference to the recent quarrel the U.S. has with Turkey over the detention of pastor Andrew Brunson.

"Yo, did anyone see Orakzai?"

Al-Baghdadi has a bounty of $25 million on his head, but his whereabouts continues to elude his captors. His last public appearance [and possibly his last shower] was in 2014 in Mosul, Iraq. His last known audio recording was released Sept. 28, 2017, and was not sponsored by Oscar Meyer Bacon.

Next weekend, Lt. Gen. Scott Miller will be the new U.S. commander in Afghanistan. He was the former head of Joint Special Operations Command which oversees Delta Force, SEAL Team 6, and 75th Ranger Regiment, so he knows a thing or two about killing bad guys.

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