Obama is the Big Kahuna

My fellow folks, I'm speaking ta you today from beautiful Hawaii, the state where I was allegedly born. I know the mainland, as we alleged Hawaiians call where most of you live, is being pummelled by snow and ice and tornadoes, I can assure you that no such problem exists here in Paradise. 

Let me also say that this well-earned vacation for me and mine is costing you folks a pretty penny. Well, actually a lot more than a penny, but with you all pitchin' in to see that I get what me, Michelle, and my kids deserve, it isn't so much skin off your teeth, is it? Like ObamaCare, it's money well-spent.

So let me tell you about my earliest memories about growing up here. I remember my white Mom reading ta me when I was just a little fella. Stories about Karl Marx and Georg Friedrich Wilhelm Hegel fascinated me, and let me say, they inspired a lot of how I think and act. I learned how Karl didn't bother himself with the trivia of life, like bathing and taking care of his wife and kids. And Hegel, well I learned that he wasn't gay and his first name wasn't Org. The things ya learn growin' up. 

I also learned a lot from my Dad, although he wasn't really around in my life. In spite of that, he was my Dad and I loved him. The way he spoke about the beauty of the Islamic call to prayer always stayed with me and has shaped the way I think about Islam in the world. 

But hell, I'm on vacation and I don't want ta talk about that--I'd rather talk about me. When I'm back on the job as your Commander in Chief, your Leader, the Leader of the free world, I plan to veto anything that goes against what I want for this country. I will veto any bill that tries to repeal the Affordable Care Act, and I will not tolerate the racist opposition of the GOP that goes against what I command as your Commander in Chief. In fact, I will do everything in my power as your leader, to rid the United States of America of this heinous political party and replace it with the party of the people: GLAAD.

Now shut up and let me have some fun in the sun. I love you guys.

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