Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Easting Contest Now a Spring Roll Eating Contest

Hot Dog Champ, Joey Chestnut, now must down spring rolls in the summer

Well, it was destined in the realm of things: Communist China has bought one of America's signature companies, Nathan's Famous, the hotdog king that started its journey in Brooklyn's Coney Island in1916. The franchise cost the commies  mere $450 million; they got a good deal.

I remember going to Nathan's as a kid after spending a day at the beach in Coney Island. We'd go as a family and with friends, play "lava" as the waves came in at the beach. We'd run back from the edge of the water onto the sand before the 'lava' hit our feet. Then go for a swim in water we dared not swallow.

The Smithfield Group, was itself bought by the Shuanghui Group in 2013, and now goes by the name WH Group. This group is owned by the Chinese Communist Party and its leadership is loaded with CCP honchos whose long-range goal was to buy American farmland. No big deal, other than being a national security threat. They owned roughly 150,000 acres of American land across 29 states, but has since reduced its land holding, perhaps to look less conspicuous.

Imagine, the first Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest will be held under the mayoral authority of none other than Zohran "Allahu Akbar!" Mamdani, New York's first anti-Zionist [aka antisemitic] mayor. How fitting that the CCP sponsored event will have a socialist in office.

You can't get more American than Nathan's, a company that began 110 years ago by a guy named Nathan Handwerker, four years after landing on our shore. He started out small with a little hotdog stand, and sold his products at a lower price than his competitors. By the time Major League Baseball named Nathan's as its official hotdog in 2017, the company became synonymous with baseball, barbecues, and America.

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The big question on everybody's mind will be whether the Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest will eventually become the Nathan's Famous Spring Roll Eating Contest. And can Joey Chestnut, the king of the contest, still win with downing spring rolls?

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Obese documentary maker blames Trump for his health

New York -- Documentary filmmaker Michael Moore, a man whose only food-devouring rival is Joey Chestnut, is doing a three-man show on Broadway using himself as all three. 

The show, "Three Obese Angry Men or Maybe It's Just One" uses Moore's inability to take personal responsibility for his deteriorating physical health but instead blames President Trump and the Republican political agenda for causing his ill health while simultaneously attempting to rid the country of Obamacare. 

"This guy's going to get us all killed," the corpulent buffoon complained as he took a man-size bite out of a grinder and washed it down with a huge swig of Samuel Adams Summer Brew. 

"There's nobody in charge," he burped. "This man [Trump] has the nuclear codes," and Moore wants Trump to give them to him so he can complete the job he started against the nation when he first got into filmmaking.

Doctors agree that if Moore dies, it isn't going to be from a nuclear war; it's going to be from an atomic appetite. Even his "One size fits all" greasy baseball caps no longer fit his head.

Moore's show varies from night-to-night, depending on what's for dinner.

Gentle reader: Please forgive the 'fat-shaming.' I dislike Moore to the extent that I say things that might offend some people and that truly is not my intentions.


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