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The Southern Poverty Law Center’s interim president and CEO discovered Tuesday that the English language apparently contains no suitable words for “no” after House Judiciary Chairman Jim Jordan began asking inconvenient questions about the organization’s alleged extremist infiltration program.
Bryan Fair spent most of the hearing performing what legal experts are calling “Olympic-level verbal dodgeball,” repeatedly responding with some variation of “our counsel in the Middle District of Alabama will address that allegation” anytime Jordan asked whether the SPLC had, hypothetically speaking, funded activities that sounded suspiciously like the plot of a rejected FBI screenplay.
Jordan walked Fair through allegations laid out in a superseding federal indictment claiming the SPLC used donor cash to bankroll confidential “field sources” embedded in extremist groups. According to the indictment, those operatives allegedly did far more than quietly observe. They reportedly hosted rallies, expanded hate group chapters, recruited members, and even purchased materials for cross burnings. Because apparently “monitoring extremism” now comes with an event planning budget.
Fair declined to directly deny any of it.
“It seems to me if the answer is no, you could just say no,” Jordan told Fair after the latest round of interpretive legal theater.
Fair responded with the now-classic Washington defense strategy of saying absolutely nothing while using the maximum number of syllables possible.
The hearing became even more entertaining when Jordan rattled off a list of alleged shell companies with names sounding less like legitimate businesses and more like aliases used by cartoon villains trying to evade IRS audits: Fox Photography, North West Technologies, Tech Writers Group, Rare Books Warehouse, Imagery Ink, J&J Electronics, Center Investigative Agency, and Kelly’s Marine.
Jordan suggested the companies may have been used to funnel roughly $4 million to field operatives while conveniently obscuring the paper trail. Fair insisted any knowledge he had came through privileged conversations with attorneys, which critics noted is an impressive amount of legal confidentiality for someone who supposedly runs the organization.
Then came the awkward moment.
Jordan asked whether SPLC fundraising surged after the 2017 Charlottesville rally, where the indictment alleges one SPLC-paid source helped coordinate transportation for participants. Fair admitted donations skyrocketed, but quickly credited Donald Trump’s 2016 victory instead. Jordan pointed out the group’s fundraising reportedly exploded from $51 million to $133 million in a single year, which observers noted is quite the financial growth strategy for an organization dedicated to “fighting hate.”
Fair eventually volunteered one clear statement, explaining the program existed “to protect our staff and to protect the public.”
Americans everywhere breathed a sigh of relief knowing the safest way to fight extremism is apparently to organize it personally.
Jordan closed the hearing with one final question, asking Fair whether he knew the president of the National Socialist Party.
Fair responded exactly as viewers expected: “That’s an allegation in the indictment that will be responded to by counsel.”
At press time, SPLC officials were reportedly considering rebranding the organization as “Lawyers Without Direct Answers.”
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