Federal Officials Subpoena Hasan Piker And Medea Benjamin For The Crime Of Vacationing In Cuba While Pretending It Wasn't A Communist Propaganda Tour

WASHINGTON—In a shocking development that has left the activist community clutching their Che Guevara tote bags, federal officials have subpoenaed Twitch's premier champagne socialist Hasan Piker and CodePink co-founder Medea Benjamin as part of a widening investigation into Americans who may have accidentally violated U.S. sanctions by, sources say, "going to Cuba and handing stuff to the regime."

According to reports, the Treasury Department's Office of Foreign Assets Control, those notorious buzzkills, issued subpoenas tied to the "Nuestra América Convoy," a heartwarming coalition of trust-fund revolutionaries, Instagram influencers, and professional America-haters who embarked on a solidarity cruise to the island paradise where bread lines are considered performance art.

Investigators are reportedly looking into whether these brave freedom fighters illegally financed their tropical Marxist cosplay, coordinated logistics with the Cuban government, delivered "aid" that somehow never reaches actual Cubans, or stayed at regime-connected hotels that appear on the State Department's "Definitely Not For Tourists" list. The probe is part of the Trump administration's cruel and unusual crackdown on people who love authoritarianism but hate filling out paperwork.

Piker, the internet's most beloved tankie who streams from a house his uncle bought him, proudly documented the trip on Instagram with the courageous caption "I’M GOING TO CUBA."

He was spotted high-fiving CodePink activists and networking with organizations linked to Neville Roy Singham, the capitalist billionaire who's turned "funding communism" into a full-time hobby. Up to 40 Americans could face scrutiny, meaning the feds are coming for everyone who thought "bringing medical supplies to Cuba" was a personality.

In response, Piker took to social media with the calm, measured tone of a man whose entire brand is being mad online: "the american govt would rather try to criminalize delivering aid to a country we’ve starved, than punish the epstein class." Critics noted that "delivering aid" in this context apparently means posing for photos while the Cuban people continue their 65-year experiment with bread shortages.

Medea Benjamin, meanwhile, delivered the most unintentionally hilarious humanitarian defense of the year: "Taking medical supplies to pediatric hospitals in Cuba is now a crime? Saving the lives of babies is a crime?" This from the co-founder of CodePink, an organization whose other major cause is ensuring as many American babies as possible never make it to a pediatric hospital in the first place. The irony was so thick you could spread it on regime-approved toast.

Medea Benjamin

CodePink has long maintained that abortion activism, anti-capitalism, hating Israel, climate doomsaying, and screaming at U.S. soldiers are all part of the same sacred "global feminist struggle." Their manifesto reportedly equates the "war machine" with "patriarchy," scolds Western feminists for not caring enough about Gaza, and dreams of a utopia where American bases vanish, Israeli walls crumble, and uteruses achieve full diplomatic immunity, preferably under a nice red flag.

Neither Piker nor Benjamin has been charged with anything yet. They're simply being asked questions about why they keep treating hostile dictatorships like ideological summer camps while calling it "humanitarian work." Piker, who once said America deserved 9/11 and has spent years explaining why various communist hellholes are actually worker paradises, seems genuinely shocked that the government noticed.

For now, the subpoenas represent a bold new frontier in federal enforcement: the radical notion that maybe you shouldn't fly to enemy nations, coordinate with their governments, and then act surprised when someone checks the receipts. The Babylon Bee will continue monitoring this story as it develops, or until Hasan has to stream from a slightly less luxurious location.

Thank you for following Brain Flushings. Please take time to simply check out the sponsors on this page--it's one way to support my work and you don't need to purchase anything to do so. Of course, you can Buy Me A Coffee if you want to support me directly. And finally, don't be afraid to subscribe if you enjoy the blog--it's free, and worth the cost.

Tweet