Iran's Thirsty Mullahs: Tehran on the Brink of Becoming a Ghost Town (If the Ayatollahs Don't Screw It Up Worse)

Cab driver tries to be cool

Picture this: the head honcho at Tehran's Regional Water Company drops a bombshell that's drier than the Sahara after a camel convention. Water levels have tanked 43% from last year, leaving the Amir Kabir Dam gasping at a pathetic 8% capacity. That's not a reservoir; that's a puddle with delusions of grandeur.

Iran's staring down the barrel of its nastiest water meltdown in half a century, and the bigwigs are whispering that Tehran, home to over 10 million Shi'a Muslims crammed into a smog-choked bowl, might turn into a no-go zone if this drought doesn't pack up and hit the road. Because nothing says "stable theocracy" like evacuating your capital over a lack of water.

President Masoud Pezeshkian, the fresh face who's supposed to be the "reformist" flavor of the week, is already waving the white flag. If the skies don't open up by December, he's threatening to ration water in Tehran like it's 1979 all over again, minus the revolution and the killing.

"Even if we do ration and it still does not rain, then we will have no water at all. They (citizens) have to evacuate Tehran," Pezeshkian said on November 6.

The mullahs in charge are sweating bullets here, figuratively of course, since actual sweat might require hydration they don't have. Back in 2021, parched folks in Khuzestan province turned water woes into full-on street brawls that made the regime's riot squads earn their keep. 

And don't forget 2018, when farmers, those salt-of-the-earth types who keep the falafel flowing, rioted over the ayatollahs' five-star water-hoarding habits. History's got a funny way of rhyming when your leaders treat aquifers like personal slush funds. 

This mess isn't all La Niña's fault, though a 40% rainfall nosedive over the last few months sure didn't help. Nope, it's the perfect storm of scorching summer heat and Iranians guzzling water like it's the last non-sanctioned soda on earth.

(People shop water storage tanks following a drought crisis in Tehran, Iran, November 10, 2025. Photo credit: MAJID ASGARIPOUR/WANA (WEST ASIA NEWS AGENCY) VIA REUTERS)By REUTERS, November 12, 2025, 17:14

Decades of the regime's greatest hits, slapping up dams willy-nilly, letting every uncle with a shovel drill illegal wells like it's, well, a national pastime, and farming techniques that make Vegas fountains look efficient, have sucked the aquifers bone-dry. Dozens of critics and water wonks have been complaining about it on state TV lately, turning every panel show into a blame-fest that's about as productive as a unicorn rodeo.

Pezeshkian's crew is pointing fingers everywhere but the mirror: "policies of past governments, climate change, and over-consumption." 

Nothing screams "global warming" like your nuclear program boiling off the groundwater.

No riots in the streets yet (knock on parched wood), but Iranians are already lugging around an economy that's been U.S. sanctions'd into a sad trombone solo, all thanks to that whole "we totally aren't building nukes, pinky swear" saga. Toss in chronic water taps playing hide-and-seek, and you've got families one dry spell away from snapping. 

The clerical overlords are juggling this while dodging Uncle Sam's stink-eye over their uranium hobbies. Iran denies seeking nuclear weapons, naturally, because why admit to the thirst trap when you can deny it with a straight face?

From Tehran's swanky high-rises to dusty backwater burgs, the dry spell's hitting like Will Smith on the face of Chris Rock. 

Iran’s National Water and Wastewater Company is pooh-poohing any "official" rationing talk in Tehran, but hey, they're cool with nightly pressure drops that could flatline to zilch in spots, per state media. It looks like "reduced pressure" is bureaucrat-speak for "enjoy your sponge bath, comrades."

Pezeshkian tried the tough-love angle back in July, wagging a finger at the guzzlers. Water bosses chimed in: 70% of Tehranites are slurping over the "standard" 130 liters a day. Shocking. It must be all that virtue-signaling hydration.

Tehran's reservoirs are hovering at about half-mast, because why fill 'er up when you can let her leak?

Iranians have been yo-yoing through blackouts, gas hiccups, and water whiplash every peak season lately. It's like the universe's idea of a subscription box from hell.

"It's one hardship after another--one day there’s no water, the next there's no electricity. We don't even have enough money to live. This is because of poor management," said schoolteacher and mother of three Shahla, 41, by phone from central Tehran.

State media last week trotted out Mohammadreza Kavianpour, big cheese at Iran’s Water Research Institute, to confirm the doom-scroll: Last year's rain was 40% below the 57-year norm, and the forecast's drier than a martini shaken by Bond. Dry till December's end, baby.

Tehran's lifeline is five reservoirs slurping from out-of-town rivers. Inflow's deader than disco. Behzad Parsa, Tehran's water whisperer, spilled last week: Levels down 43% year-over-year, Amir Kabir Dam limping at 14 million cubic meters, 8% full. 

The whole system's dipped from a comfy 500 million cubic meter dream to a measly 250 million reality. At guzzle-speed, that's two weeks tops before the well runs . . . well, dry. 

But it ain't just the capital's cocktail party that's canceled. Across Iran, 19 mega-dams, fully10% of the fleet, have gone full Sahara. In Mashhad, the holy hub for 4 million pilgrims and kebab fans, reserves are sub-3%. That's not a city; that's a thirst trap.

"The pressure is so low that literally we do not have water during the day. I have installed water tanks, but how long can we continue like this? It is completely because of the mismanagement," said Reza, 53, in Mashhad. He said it was also affecting his carpet-cleaning business. Like the others Reuters spoke to, he declined to give his family name. Smart man: snitches get stitches, or worse, a midnight knock from the morality police. Climate Change or just Mullah-Mismanaged Mayhem?

This follows a summer of temperatures that made Satan sweat, plus power cuts that turned AC dreams to dust. July and August were emergency "holidays" to sip less and sweat more; schools, banks, and bureaucrats shuttered as mercury hit 122°F in spots. (That's 50°C for the metric purists; either way, it's oven mitts or bust.)

Authorities blame climate change for turbo-evaporating everything wet. Fair enough, but some rags are roasting the regime's eco-fumbles: Crony hires who couldn't manage a kiddie pool, and treating water like a political piñata. The government's scoffing because accountability is for us infidels.

"In the past, people would go out to the desert to pray for rain,” said Mehdi Chamran, head of Tehran’s City Council, state media reported. "Perhaps we should not neglect that tradition." Hey, when your five-year plans flop harder than a fish on Astroturf, why not crowdsource miracles? 

Authorities are slapping Band-Aids: Pressure tweaks, reservoir roulette to pipe H2O into Tehran, making public service announcements. 

"Too little, too late. They only promise, but we see no action," said a university teacher in the city of Isfahan, who asked not to be named lest he be killed for having an opinion. "Most of these ideas are not doable." Classic: The ayatollahs' fix is as reliable as gas station sushi. 

Iran's got bigger fish to fry, like not imploding under a combo of sanctions, nukes, and now Noah's Ark regrets. But if history's any guide, this drought could be the spark that lights the powder keg. 

Let's keep an eye on this clusterfrack folks. It's going to get very interesting.

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