Greta messes up Venice's Grand Canal, fined and told to never darken their H2O again

Constipation?

Oh, look everybody: Saint Greta of Perpetual Teenage Angst has graced Venice with her holy presence and turned the Grand Canal into a giant vat of radioactive-looking lime Jell-O. Admit it, nothing screams "save the planet" quite like dumping a bunch of fluorescent goo into one of the world's most historic waterways right after the grown-ups finished another pointless climate gabfest in Brazil.

Yes, this 22-year-old Swedish scold-in-chief, fresh off her latest "humanitarian" photo-op jihadi flotilla to Gaza (because apparently sailing around the Mediterranean in August is now part of the climate struggle), rolled into La Serenissima with her Extinction Rebellion cosplay brigade and decided the best way to fight "climate collapse" was to make the canals look like a St. Patrick’s Day parade threw up in them.

Result was a whopping $172 fine and a 48-hour "do-not-enter" order from Venice city limits. Which, let's be honest, is basically the Italian equivalent of being asked to take a time-out in the corner for five minutes. I'm sure Greta’s trembling lower lip is still recovering from the trauma.

The dye, Extinction Rebellion assures us, was "non-toxic" and "commonly used in environmental studies." Uh-huh. Because when I think "responsible science," my mind immediately goes to a bunch of trust-fund anarchists in red veils turning UNESCO sites into giant glow sticks while the COP30 clowns are still nursing their hangovers in Belém. And what gives anyone the right to put color dye in the Grand Canal.

Veneto Governor Luca Zaia called it exactly what it was: "a disrespectful act towards our city, its history and its fragility." Translation: "Thanks for reminding the world that Venice is sinking by giving tourists another reason to point and laugh while they Instagram your stupid stunt, you insufferable Swede."

Meanwhile, XR is whining that Italy's mean ol' Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni didn't clap hard enough for the latest round of global wealth-transfer schemes at COP30. Shocker.

So there you have it, kids: the planet is dying, sea levels are rising, Venice is literally built on water… and the best idea the professional apocalypse cheerleaders can come up with is dyeing that water the color of Mountain Dew Code Red and hanging a "Stop Ecocide" banner off the Rialto Bridge like it's a college dorm prank.

If this is the climate movement's A-game, maybe Mother Earth should just take her chances with the fossil fuels. At least we’re not turning her arteries neon green for the ‘gram.

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