Biden freaks out at aides who advise him about Hunter

Alleged President Joe Biden is yelling at aides both present and in his mind, who are telling him to keep some distance between himself and his scandalous, dead-brother-wife-banging, drug addled son, Hunter.

"I don't want to hear that malarkey. He's my son, dammit, and I don't care how many women he's dated or how much parmesan cheese he's sniffed. I tell you Hunter is my boy; my pride and joy," the president said. "Joey don't play that, Jack."

Biden is reportedly intent on keeping Hunter on a leash. He was invited to last week's White House state dinner with Narendra Modi the Indian prime minister and was spotted traveling with the so called president to Camp David.

"It’s consumed him," a source told NBC, referring to the president's mission to keep Hunter close by and out of harm's way so as not to shoot up, drink up, or eff-up.

This latest news comes a day after Joe Biden, denied knowing anything, including knowing of the texts Hunter sent to a Chinese businessman threatening him unless he paid up--Hunter included with the threat that his daddy was sitting right next to him.

When a reporter asked Joe if that was true that he was sitting next to his son, the old guy shouted, "No, I wasn't! I was standing, Jack! God save the Queen!"

Hunter, in a sweetheart deal, agree to plead guilty to misdemeanor tax crimes last week. This will probably keep his publicly displayed butt out of prison. 

Prosecutors also charged Hunter with a felony gun crime after he lied on a federal gun form swearing he did not use illicit drugs. 

The icing on the cake came when an IRS whistleblower alleged that the Justice Department shielded Hunter Biden and his father from scrutiny, undermining the tax investigation.

"There were certain investigative steps that we weren't allowed to take that could have led us to President Biden," whistleblower Gary Shapley said this week. "We needed to take them."

House Republicans probing the Biden family's foreign dealings said the plea deal with the Department of Justice will not impact their investigation into the Biden family's overseas business dealings.

The sprinkles on the icing on the cake came when it was found that all previous presidents, except for former President Donald Trump, had family histories of slave ownership.

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