Thursday, January 6, 2022

Pelosi's staff abandoning ship amid retirement scuttlebutt

"I'll be done in five minutes, folks"

As rumors fly over 237-year-old House Speaker Nancy "Hands of Fury" Pelosi's (D-CA) retirement, her staffers are leaving for greener pastures. Okay, she's not that old, but she is 81 and ready to step down.

The latest staffer leaving is Pelosi's campaign Executive Director Jorge Aguilar. He announced his departure to join theGroup, a bipartisan government relations company in Washington, D.C., according to the Punchbowl email newsletter.

Upon hearing the news, Rep. Alexandria Openly-Creepy (D-NY) rubbed her hands together and went into her "Latinx Dance Mode" that she is so well known for on Instagram or maybe it was Tik Tok. Probably the latter since it's Chinese Communist government owned.

Anyway, Aguilar's role will be to advise clients on "navigating the intricacies of the Democratic Caucus and stakeholder organizations."

It seems quite likely the rumors of Pelosi leaving are true as her office sees a spike in its "turnover" or the rats leaving the proverbial sinking ship, much like the Democratic Party in general. Just over the last year, there has been nearly twice the average of turnover for congressional offices as per LegiStorm, and this is also true for the Vice President Kamala Hahahahaharris' office as well, in spite of her youth and prurient vitality.

Other people like Sen. Bernie Sanders (Communist-VT) have not voiced any desire to leave office because "I hodly haf ta do any work and the money keeps coming," Sanders said, according to sources as reliable as Brian Stelter's.

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The problem that pundits see with the exodus of politicians is their fear of the dreaded Omicron virus and it's deadly effect on the tissue industry. This has also greatly affected the teacher's unions who fear catching the virus from the kids, even when everyone is vaccinated because being vaccinated is important because it doesn't stop the virus from infecting them. What?



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