Schiff warns us that Trump could sell Alaska to Russia

Seriously, would let this guy pack your parachute?

Under the word "alarmist' in the dictionary is a photo of Adam Schiff, the Democratic congressman from the failing state of California.

Schiff, who is the House lead impeachment manager [a guy who couldn't manage to cover his mouth when he sneezes] warned the nation on Monday that if President Trump's Ukraine dealings are not impeachable [the way he sees it] then nothing would stop him from attempting an even bolder power grab, such as declaring himself king of the world as he rides the bow of the U.S.S. Titanic while grabbing Stormy Daniels on one of her body parts, or even use Alaska as a bargaining chip with "the Russians" for support in the 2020 election.

"Hey Vladimir, this is the Donald," Schiff said in his best Trump-Mafia imitation voice. "I've got an interesting proposition for you if you support me in the next election. Yeah, that's the one I'm in and going to win. So here's the deal, Vlad--you support me and I'll give you Alaska and all the people who live there. You can make them Russian citizens and you can have our airbase and hey, there's even gold in them thar hills. So whaddaya say; you in?"

Schiff floated his schizophrenic thought during closing arguments at the Senate fake impeachment "trial." He appealed to GOPers who acknowledged that the phone call was not "perfect," and that Trump says a lot of crap he shouldn't say. The cockeyed optimist called on the GOP to prevent a "runaway presidency," as his eyes grew three times their normal size and glazed over like a Dunkin' Donuts vanilla creme softy.

"If abuse of power is not impeachable [which it isn't] ... Trump could offer Alaska to the Russians in exchange for support in the next election or decide to move to Mar-a-Lago permanently and let Jared Kushner run the country, delegating to him the decision whether to go to war," Schiff opined. "Because those things are not necessarily criminal, this argument would allow that he could not be impeached for such abuses of power. Of course, this would be absurd. More than absurd, it would be dangerous."

No, dude. What's absurd is that people actually voted for you.


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