Maduro announces electricity rationing, citizens forced to cook using cow farts

Caracas -- They say necessity is the mother of invention and in Venezuela that is definitely the case. On Sunday the dictator president Nicolas Maduro announced a policy of 30 days electricity rationing as his government said it would reduce the length of the workday and keep schools closed until they can figure things out.

U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders (Socialist-VT) has volunteered his services to help Maduro figure things out because of the place he has in his heart for the richest oil country on Earth.

Meanwhile, people are beginning to worry that without electricity, they will have to resort to using cow farts with which to cook their "catch of the day."

By 'catch of the day' I mean dogs, cats, and some things that fall off the garbage trucks.

Farmers are using their ingenuity to come up with a solution to capture the flatulence of their cows and have developed what they call "a reverse feed bag." It simply slips over the hind quarters of the beasts and is air tight. Once a cow has ended her day, the reverse feed bag is removed and closed shut before any of the methane can escape. It is then put in canisters that are fitted with universal valves like those found on camping stoves.

The treasured gas is then brought to what is colloquially known as "garbage truck coops," and sold on the black market where customers fit the canister to their camping stove and cook whatever it is they've found.

On the plus side, Maduro is guaranteeing a supply of water, but it isn't known where it is coming from and has a strange odor.

Since 2015, about 2.7 million people have left Venezuela for greener pastures. With this new innovation, many will stay and blame President Donald Trump for all their woes.

Alexandria Obviously-Comatose (Damned Socialist-NY) is quite upset that the country below us is finding good use for the one thing she wants to eliminate. "What if the wind in Venezuela is blowing our way?" she opined.

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