Avenatti says his family won't let him run for POTUS

Sleazy porn lawyer of Stormy Daniels and critic of President Donald J. Trump, Mike Avenatti, announced on Tuesday that his family talked him out of running for president of the United States, because he would never win and really, he's kind of a schmuck.

In his statement Avenatti admitted he is conflicted about the choice because he wants to beat the crap out of Trump in an election race. The 47-year-old scumwafer made it clear that his family was the only reason he was not running, not mentioning his arrest last month on suspicion of domestic violence or the fact that he owes a boatload of money to a previous employee of his crap weasel firm.

"After consultation with my family and at their request, I have decided not to seek the presidency of the United States in 2020," Avenatti said. "I do not make this decision lightly – I make it out of respect for my family. But for their concerns, I would run."

This is terrible for the Grand Old Party because if Mikey would have run, it would have destroyed the credibility of the Democratic Party even more than it has been destroyed.

Mikey doesn't actually name specific family members in the statement, but most people believe that at least one of them is his French maid who played a major role in the Stormy Daniels special, "The 'Pen' of My Aunt is Where The Sun Doesn't Shine."

Mike has three kids with two different women who were once married to him but got a divorce because he's a dirtbag. He also believes that the woman involved in the incident that led to his arrest was his onetime main squeeze Mareli Miniutti, who got a restraining order against him because he allegedly hit her in the face and called her names that would have me barred from Google.

Mikey said he'd still work with Stormy Daniels [whose real name is Yetta Yakobotchable--just kidding] if she'd have him "If you know what [I] mean."

Avenatti said that he "will not rest until Trump is removed from office and our republic and its values are restored." Whatever that means.

This comes after Stormy accused him last month of filing a defamation suit against Trump without her consent and concealing financial information from her, but the two reconciled and colluded on opposing Trump.

In his announcement Mikey expressed concern that his party won't nominate someone crazy enough to beat Trump, echoing his prior comments that Trump can only be defeated by a "street fighter" with brass cojones and a mean streak that would block out the sun.

In a pretentious and pseudo intellectual statement Mikey said, "I remain concerned that the Democratic Party will move toward nominating an individual who might make an exceptional President but has no chance of actually beating Donald Trump. The party must immediately recognize that many of the likely candidates are not battletested[sic] and have no real chance of winning," he said ungrammatically.

"We will not prevail in 2020 without a fighter. I remain hopeful the party finds one." Then he hit a woman wearing a MAGA hat which happened to be his ex wife.

Hello fellow conservatives. At this time of year when everyone has a hand out for a hand out, I don't. I simply want you to follow Brain Flushings and check out the ads. It's free, I'm free and you're free to follow or not. I hope you do. Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah.


Tweet