A Same-Sex Marriage Marathon

Imagine you're at a same-sex wedding and all the big-shot liberals are there. The music is playing and there's Hillary and Bill doing the Hustle. Obama and Mooch are next to them doing the Funky Chicken and John Kerry and his billionaire wife are dancing something called The Chicken of Nam Dance. Of  course, we have Joe Biden doing the Jerk.

Along the walls of the reception area ballroom are various doors, resembling changing rooms or closets. Out of door number one, steps Anderson Cooper and Ben Maisani, his beau, stepping out of the closet and dancing with the others. Not long ago, Ben was caught playing tonsil hockey with another man, but they had since reconciled and walked together down the aisle.

From door number two steps Robin Roberts and Amber, her new bride. They hold hands and walk to the center of the room, plant deep, wet kisses deep down into each other's tonsils, and dance as one. Both look around the room to see if anyone is watching. Nobody is watching.

Door number three features Rosie O'Donnell and her wife, Michelle Rounds. They came here to the marathon wedding to renew their vows.  Rosie grabs her butt and leads her out onto the dance floor where they dance something that resembles the Lambada. 

Rachel Maddow diddy-bops out of door four with her wife, Susan who is woman wearing comfortable dance shoes, a loving smile, and an Obama button. They make a lovely couple as Rachel glides her along the floor as they dance The Bristol Palin Stomp.

Finally, our of door number five steps Don Lemon and his husband, Ben Tinker. Ben is doing his best Putin impression as he dances shirtless with Don, doing a rakish cha-cha.

Good to see he found his Schmuck hat

And off in a corner, all by himself, we see Michael Moore twerking with Piers Morgan to a song by Pink Floyd entitled "Money."

The wedding is sponsored by GLAAD, CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, and Chris Matthews.

Finally, I want to be clear; I have nothing against same-sex marriage or homosexuality, or lesbians, or guys who become gals and vice versa. I don`t have anything against it, but I DO NOT CARE ONE IOTA WHETHER YOU ARE GAY OR STRAIGHT OR THINK YOU`RE A WOMAN TRAPPED IN A MAN`S BODY, AND VICE-VERSA. I DON`T CARE AND NEITHER DO MOST PEOPLE. Even if you`re a celebrity, who you share body fluids with, who you love, how you love them, is not my concern nor my business. If you are proud to be gay, I can say with confidence that I am proud to be straight. You are lucky your parents are or were straight, for the most part, or you`would have never been born. If everyone was like you, this would be the last generation of humans on earth, so don`t be so nasty to us straight people. We are just as nice, as good, and as intelligent as you believe you are.

Why you think you need to "come out of the closet" and announce to the world that you are gay, is beyond my ken. Keep it to yourself. Ditch the parades or at least leave us to have ours without you having to be the gay contingent. Be gay, be lesbian, be discreet. 

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